You will almost certainly face more and deeper adversity.
生活中总会碰到很多难处理的事。
There's loss of opportunity: the job that doesn't work out, the illness or crime that changes everything in an instant.
有时错失机会：工作不合适，遭遇疾病或事故因而一切瞬间改变。
There's loss of dignity: the sharp sting of prejudice when it happens.
有时尊严尽失：刻薄的偏见常常刺痛人心。
There's loss of love: the broken relationships that can't be repaired. And sometimes there's loss of life itself.
有时缘尽人散：亲密关系一旦破碎就难重圆。有时不仅是生离，还要面临死别。
Many of you have already experienced the kind of tragedy and hardship that leave an indelible mark.
你们当中有些人已然历经刻骨的悲剧和苦难。
Last year, Radhika, winner of the University Medal, spoke so beautifully about the sudden loss of her mother.
去年大学奖章得主拉迪卡曾发表演讲，动情讲述了母亲突然去世的悲痛。
The question is not if some of these things will happen to you. They will. But I want to talk about today is what you do next.
问题不是这些事情会不会发生，它们迟早都会来的。我想说的是发生之后怎么办。
About the things you can do to overcome adversity, no matter when it hits you or how it hits you. The easy days ahead of you will be easy.
不管什么困难也不管具体什么时候遭遇，关键是怎样从困境中振作起来。
It is the hard days—the days that challenge you to your very core—that will determine who you are.
其实只有经历了真正难捱的日子，被逼到崩溃边缘，你才能真正了解自己。
You will be defined not just by what you achieve, but by how you survive.
要发掘真实的内心，不仅要看取得的成就，更要看逆境中如何奋起。
A few weeks after Dave died, I was talking to my friend Phil about a father-son activity that Dave was not here to do.
戴夫去世几个星期后，我和我的朋友菲尔谈论一场要父亲参加的亲子活动。
We came up with a plan to fill in for Dave. But I cried to Phil. I said "But I want Dave".
戴夫不在了，我们只好找别人代替他。我哭着对他说："但我只想要戴夫。"
Phil put his arm around me and said, "Option A is not available. So let's just kick the shit out of option B."
菲尔搂住我说："A计划不行了，将就将就用B计划吧。"
We all at some point live some form of option B. The question is: What do we do next?
我们总会碰到不尽如人意只能用B计划的时候，问题是：该怎么面对？
As a representative of Silicon Valley, I'm pleased to tell you there is data to learn from.
可能有点硅谷的职业病吧，我想说走出挫折也要科学对待。
After spending decades studying how people deal with setbacks, psychologist Martin Seligman found that there are three P's—personalization, pervasiveness, and permanence—that are critical to how we bounce back from hardship.
心理学家马丁•塞利格曼（Martin Seligman）研究几十年后发现，从苦难中振作起来关键是做到三点——不要过分自责（personalization）、不要过分解读（ pervasiveness）以及不要以为伤痛永远不褪（permanence）。挺过生活中一次次打击，才能慢慢磨炼出韧性。
The seeds of resilience are planted in the way we process the negative events of our lives. The first P is personalization—the belief that we are at fault.
不要过分自责，就是说不要把悲伤的原因揽到自己身上。
This is different from taking responsibility, which you should always do. This is the lesson that not everything that happens to us happens because of us.
承担责任是应该的，但是痛苦时不要过分情绪化，要清楚一件事，并不是所有的坏事都是自己造成的。
When Dave died, I had a very common reaction, which was to blame myself.
戴夫去世后我就忍不住责怪自己。
He died in seconds from a cardiac arrhythmia. I poured over his medical records asking what I could have—or should have—done.
他在几秒钟内死于心脏病突发。我翻遍他的病历寻找线索，看看我要是做了什么，戴夫就不会死。
It wasn't until I learned about the three P's that I accepted that I could not have prevented his death.
明白这三条原则之后，我才慢慢接受不管怎样都救不了他这个事实。
His doctors had not identified his coronary artery disease. I was an economics major; how could I?
他的医生们没发现他有心脏病，我一个学经济的又怎么可能发现呢？
Studies show that getting past personalization can make you stronger.
研究表明减少过分自责确实会让人强大起来。
Teachers who have students who fail, who believe they can do better, revise their methods and have future classes that excel.
学生挂科之后老师与其后悔没尽力，不如努力改进教学方法帮助以后的学生取得好成绩。
College swimmers who underperform at a race but believe they can do better do.
大学里游泳运动员成绩不理想，但是只要坚信可以游得更好，就能实现。
Not taking failures personally allows us to recover—and even to thrive.
只有走出过分自责的阴影，才能尽快恢复，甚至督促自己做得更好。
The second P is pervasiveness—the belief that an event will affect all areas of your life.
第二条不要过分解读，就是不要笃定坏事一定会影响生活中每个角落。
You know that song "Everything is awesome? This is the flip:"Everything is awful.
有一首歌叫《一切都是极好的》，反过来就是《一切都是可怕的》。
There's nowhere to hide from the all-consuming sadness.
人们常常会以为悲伤大过天，根本无处可逃。
The child psychologists I spoke to encouraged me to get my children back to their routine as soon as possible.
我跟儿童心理学家聊了之后，他让我尽快恢复孩子们的日常习惯。
So ten days after Dave died, my kids went back to school and I went back to work.
戴夫去世十天后，他们回到学校，我则回到工作岗位。
I remember sitting in my first Facebook meeting in a total haze.
我记得回去上班后头一次开会，精神都是恍惚的。
Thinking "What is everyone talking about and how could this possibly matter?"
我心里想的都是，"他们都在说什么，这些小事有什么好说的？"
And then I got drawn into the discussion and for a second—the briefest of our seconds—I forgot about death.
但后来我加入讨论，说着说着突然有那么一瞬，我好像忘记了死亡的悲痛。
That second helped me see that there were other things in my life that were not awful.
那短暂的一瞬让我明白，生活中还有一些事没那么糟糕。
My children and I were healthy. My friends and family some of whom with me today, were carring us quite literally.
毕竟，我跟孩子们都很健康，亲朋好友都那么关心支持我们，那段时间真的多亏他们撑着我才没垮。
The loss of a partner often has severe negative financial consequences, especially for women.
失去伴侣往往会伴随巨大的经济打击，女性更是如此。
So many single mothers—and fathers—struggle to make ends meet and don't get the time they off need to care for their children.
许多单身母亲和父亲都在非常努力工作，没什么时间照看孩子。
I had financial security, the ability to take the time off I needed, and not just a job I loved, but where I was encouraged you to spend all day on Facebook.
跟他们比我不用担心经济来源，能抽出时间照顾孩子，而且我有一份很好的工作。
Gradually, my children started sleeping through the night, crying less, playing more.
渐渐地，孩子们晚上能睡踏实了，哭闹少了，又愿意玩了。
The third P is permanence—the belief that the sorrow will last forever.
第三条是不要以为伤痛永远不褪，就是相信痛苦会一直继续。
This is the ardest for me by far because for so long, it felt like the overwhelming grief we never leave.
戴夫去世后有几个月，无论我做什么都能感觉到令人窒息的悲伤，而且从来没有减轻的迹象。
We often project our current feelings out indefinitely.
我们总是觉得当前不好的感觉会无限延伸。
We are anxious—and then we are anxious that we're anxious. We are sad—and then we are sad that we're sad.
我们感到焦虑，然后因为焦虑而焦虑；感到伤心，然后因为伤心而伤心。
Instead, we should accept our feelings—but konw that they will not last forever.
实际上，我们应该诚实面对自己的感觉，然后认清事实，其实所有感觉都不会永远持续。
My rabbi above people actually told me and this is a quote that I should "lean in to the suck", not what I meant when I said "lean in.
我的拉比（犹太教里的精神导师——译者注）说，时间会治愈一切，我也得学会"向前一步"，不过我写书时说的"向前一步"其实不完全是这个意思。
None of you need me to explain the fourth P… which is, of course, pizza from Cheese Board.
其实还有第四个原则，就是美味的披萨，不用解释了吧……
But I wish I had known about the three P's when I was your age. Because there were so many times they would have helped me.
言归正传，我真的很希望在你们这个年龄就知道这三条原则。许多时候，这些经验都很有用。
Day one of my first job out of college, my new boss figured out that I didn't know how to enter data into Lotus 1-2-3.
我大学毕业后做第一份工作时，老板发现我不会把数据录入莲花1-2-3（莲花公司的电子表格软件——译者注）。
That's a spreadsheet—ask your parents.
莲花1-2-3是个电子表格——你们的爸妈可能知道。
His mouth dropped open and he said in front of everyone, 'I can't believe you got this job without knowing that"—and then he left the room.
他张大嘴说："连这个都不会，真不知道你怎么进来公司的。" 然后就走出去了。
I was sure I was getting fired my very first twig of work.
晚上回家我觉得要被炒鱿鱼。
I thought I was terrible at everything… but really I was just terrible at spreadsheets.
然后觉得我什么事都做不好……但事实证明，我只是不会做电子表格而已。
Understanding pervasiveness would have saved me a lot of anxiety that first week.
如果我当时就能明白不要过分解读，没必要一时难过就否定一切，当时就不会那么焦虑。
I wish I had known about permanence when I broke up with boyfriends.
我跟男朋友提出分手时，要是明白痛苦并不会一直持续就好了。
It would've been a comfort to know that feeling was not going to last forever, and if I was honest with myself… neither were any of those relationships.
如果我当时知道再难受也会慢慢缓解，如果我能诚实面对自己，就会安慰很多，不过我都没做到。
And I wish I had understood personalization when boyfriends broke up with me.
男朋友和我分手时，我要是懂得不要过分自责就好了。
Sometimes it's not you—it really is them. That guy really didn't showered.
有时真的不是我的错，错的是他们。说了你可能都不信，这家伙从来不洗澡。
And all three P's ganged up on me when my twenties I got divorced.
我20多岁时第一次婚姻以离婚告终，这三条原则一条都没做到。
At the time I thought that no matter what I else I did I was a massive failure.
当时的感觉是不管我做成过什么，最后还是一败涂地。
The three P's are common emotional reactions to so many things that happen to us—in our careers, our personal lives, and our relationships.
这三条原则针对的是我们遇到许多事情后常见的反应，不管是事业上，个人生活里，还是人际关系中。
You're probably feeling one of them right now about something in your life.
没准你现在就正在经历一些挫折。
But if you can recognize you are falling into these traps, you can correct.
不过，如果你能清醒地发现陷阱，还有自救的机会。
Because just as our bodies have a physiological immune system, our brains have a psychological immune system—and there are things you can do to help kick it into gear.
我们的身体里都有免疫系统，其实大脑里也有精神免疫系统，只是要用点办法才能启动。
One day my friend Adam Grant, a psychologist, suggested that I think about how much worse things could be.
有一天，我的心理学家朋友亚当•格兰特建议我换个角度思考，想象事情可能会更糟糕。
This was completely counterintuitive; I would have thought that getting through something like death was about finding every positive thoughts I could.
刚一听让人挺难接受的。这看起来似乎像是努力寻求积极的想法来平复。
"Worse?" I said to him. "Are you crazy? How could things be worse?
"更糟？"我说。"开玩笑吗？都这样了还能怎么糟。"我说。
He lookes at me and said: "Dave could have had that same cardiac arrhythmia while driving your children.
他回答道："想象一下戴夫开车时突发心脏病，孩子们也都在车里。"
The minute he said it, I felt overwhelmingly gratitude that my chilredn were alive.
天呐！那一刻，我突然很感激孩子们都没事，还健康地活着。
And that gratitude overtook some of the grief.
感激之后悲伤也减轻了一点。
Finding gratitude and appreciation is key to resilience.
常怀感激之情是走出悲伤的关键。
People who take the time to list things they are grateful for are healthier and happier .
多花点时间列出值得感恩的事，就会更快乐也更健康。
My New Year's resolution this year is to before I go to bed write down three moments of joy.
我今年的新年决心就是，每天晚上睡觉前写下三件当天高兴的事。
And this really simple practice has changed my life. Because no matter what happens each day, I go to bed thinking of something cheerful.
做起来其实不难，但已经改变了我的生活。因为不管每天发生了什么，我睡觉的时候都在想着快乐的事。
Try it. Try it tonight when you have so many things to be joyful for— although maybe do it before you go to Kip's and don't remember what they are.
今晚开始试一下吧，今天肯定就有很多开心的事可以列。希望今晚你们临睡前都还记得。
