yet sooo many people seem to dance around it. That's okay. Most people never see the obvious anyway.

In this case, people fret so much about what other people think of them that they drop their lives savings into all manner of nonsensical “remedies” such as therapy, fashion (God forbid), self help books, Dr Phil (even more God forbid) and countless other things when they should really know the following is what's really true.

Ready?

If you truly realize that nobody cares about you, you are now 100% free. You now realize what the smallest sector of society sees. You are now free to live your life exactly the way you want. This covers EVERYTHING.

You are correct of course. Nobody truly cares about you. Not in the way I think you're getting at anyway. Mom and dad love ya. Hopefully. You love them. Hopefully. That's family. Hopefully, that's going well for you.

Another quick word about “family” and I'll try to move on. You can have friends who are family. No doubt about it. But those kind of friendships take years, sometimes decades to truly nurture, develop and then become what they are. Indispensible. In almost 50 years, I've only got 2 of them. And I'm a HIGHLY SOCIAL person.

Everyone else? All bets are off. A lot of people will disagree with me and I'm fine with that. Used to it, in fact.

But, when you live your life in a constant state of “I'd like to do such and such, but what if I fail? How would that look?” you are a slave to a faceless master.

This doesn't mean that people don't care about you at all, it's just that you used the word truly in front of it.

First lesson of Buddhism. Life is suffering. (No, I'm not Buddhist. I just like knowledge, so I read). And everyone else is going through the same thing it's just too bad most people seem to actually choose to stay in that place.

Billions of words in hundreds of languages have been written on this over the course of human history. This is nothing new. I like one movie in particular though. It was sort of overlooked then and still is today, but I always got a kick out of it. Joe vs the volcano with Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan. It's just 90 minutes of feel-good stuff, but has a lot of great lines.

For example. Meg to Tom, talking about his dilemma of finally seeing the world in a new way and being absolutely awestruck.

“My father says that almost the whole world is asleep. Everybody you know, everybody you meet. Everybody you talk to. He says that only a few people are awake and they live in a state of constant, total amazement.”

Realizing something like that is a big step in one's life.

I realized that from a very young age. Next thing you know, I started caring less about what people thought of me. Instead, I naturally gravitated towards what I thought of them. That's the trick. To not harbor anger and resentment. Better yet, not to feel it in the first place. Sometimes it's an exercise in futility, but nobody is perfect.

Realizing no one really cares gives you freedom from a lot of that. It'll feel lonely at first because it's very hard to let go of a notion if you've held on to it almost all your life, but when you truly let it go, you'll start to meet others just like you. It's inevitable. Sort of like when you get a new car, all of a sudden you see them EVERYWHERE. Your eyes seek out what's relevant to YOU. You can't escape it.

Ironically, that's what other people are doing to begin with. YOUR presence in THEIR life is simply important to THEM because you serve some kind of purpose. Even if it's a positive one and it's reciprocated, that's still all it is. Once you don't look like the car they're driving anymore and you fail to remind them of themselves, they distance themselves ever so slightly. You're still a buddy, but are they going to give you the shirt off their back when things go horribly awry in your life?

Almost everyone is looking out for #1. The “selfless” people who start Missions in other countries and build communities in the poorer regions of the world voluntarily and without pay to help the starving? Selfless my butt. It makes THEM feel good about themselves and the fact that they are doing God's work and will therefore be that much closer to the Lord. Once again, looking out for #1.

Don't feel put out by it. It's just a fact of life. Once you accept it, you can truly move forward with anything your mind can conceive of and almost nothing will stop you.

I wish you all the best my friend. Peace.

Gotta add another movie line.

Risky Business. 1980’s again. Sorry. But it's good.

Joel (Tom Cruise) is all worked up about making the slightest mistake and how it might affect his future. His carefree and wise beyond his years buddy Miles (Curtis Armstrong) says…

“Sometimes you gotta say 'what the fuck', make your move. Joel, every now and then saying 'what the fuck' brings freedom. Freedom brings opportunity. Opportunity makes your future. So your parents are going out of town?”

“Yeah”

“Got the place all to yourself?”

“Yes”

“WHAT THE FUCK..”

First, realize that what is truly important is that you care about you. The rest will follow. I do not know why you feel as you do. I can only share with you why I felt that way at one time.

I often hear that I am a very strong woman. I am…now. I don’t share this with friends when they comment about my being ‘strong’, but I do not take being a strong woman as a compliment. I simply believe that my strength is simply the glue that holds me together.

You see, 13 years ago, I shattered. Emotionally. I didn’t simply fall apart, I felt that I was broken into so many pieces that I did not believe I could put myself back together. I felt alone, useless, and I came to believe that those I loved would be better off without me,and I actually did not believe I would be missed if I were no longer here.

I went through a 3 year long incredibly nasty divorce battle. It was hard to accept that someone that I had loved, and claimed to love me, had a goal of destroying me financially, and emotionally. Because I asked him to leave.

During my divorce, my ex at one point broke into my house, and slashed every bit of clothing I owned. I slept on the sleeper sofa in my living room for 6 months. I was afraid he would break in while I slept and I would not hear him until it was too late. There were constant threats, insults, and comments of how I meant nothing to him, to our children, and to anyone.

It did not improve after our divorce was final. There were constant threats and insults.

During my divorce, I had a group of friends. We were all going through changes, and we simply would get together and talk. One of this group was a man I felt was a really good friend. We would have lunch, or dinner, talk, laugh, and simply relax for a bit. He too was going through a divorce.

On May 10, 2014, he and I went out to dinner. We had done so many times. We talked about our jobs…about our kids, and how we were each doing. He drove me home, and I invited him in for coffee…as was the routine we had.

We were sitting on the couch talking. My kids were gone for the evening.

All of the sudden he leaned over to kiss me. I was caught off guard. He had never tried that, and I simply leaned back in surprise.

He took that as rejection, and attacked me. He grabbed me by the neck and began yelling at me. I pushed him off and got up to run.

I had long hair, and he grabbed me by my hair. I was pushed up against the wall, and my head was pounded against the wall. I truly saw stars. He began scratching at me, screaming at me for rejecting him the whole time.

He attempted to rape me. I hit him in the nose with the heel of my hand as hard as I could, and then I ran outside and hid. After a couple of minutes he left.

I went back in my house… looked at the bit of blood on the floor from his nose. I then went into my bathroom and climbed into the shower.

It hurt. There was not a part of me that was not in pain.

I got out of the shower… looked in the mirror. I had finger marks that were bruising on my neck, and my chest was covered with fingernail scratches.

After 3 years of dealing with hatred focused at me, and then seeing yet more hatred shown to me in such a way… as I looked at my reflection… my spirit simply shattered.

I believed everything my ex had told me had to be right…otherwise, why would someone feel it was acceptable to harm me in such a way?

I am a very exuberant person… and I simply stopped talking. I stopped laughing. I spent every moment focused on the fact that I was nothing, and that no one could possibly care about me.

I didn’t share with anyone what happened. I had filed a police report, but I did not tell anyone. I wore clothing that covered all of the bruises and scratches so my kids did not see them. They were at camp much of the summer, so I had time to simply withdraw from everyone…and I did.

I went through the motions with my kids, but they sensed the change. They began to distance themselves from me… or so it seemed. In truth, I was pushing them away as well.

I spent over a year destroying myself with the belief that I was nothing, and feeling a rage that I had no clue how to get past.

I prayed at night to not wake up the next day. When I would wake up…I was furious that was did.

A friend of mine…that I had done my best to push away showed up at my door. She had been a friend, but not a close friend. She had moved out of state shortly after I was attacked, and I had not spoken with her since she moved.

She took a look at me… and said, “What in the sam hell did you do to yourself?”

I burst into tears. I told her everything. She cried right along with me.

Then she said, “Darlin’ you can find happiness and peace, but it ain’t gonna be easy.”

I told her I had no idea where to even start.

A week later, she gave me a path to build on. She introduced me to Martha.

Martha was 78 and had alzheimer’s. Martha’s son had promised her that he would make sure she stayed in her home.

Martha needed help. Her son was too embarrassed to bathe her, so she only got a bath every couple of weeks when he could get someone to come give her a bath. Her house was clean, but every surface was covered with stuff….books, records, figurines, etc.

My friend looked at me and said…Martha needs you, and you need her.

She was right.

I couldn’t help myself right then, but I could help Martha. I informed her son that I was going to take care of his mom. I didn’t really give him a say in the matter.

I was doing work that I could do from home, and often did,so I simply set up a work space and worked while I was with Martha.

I bathed her, cooked for her, and spent time with her. I organized her house to minimize the clutter to make her feel more secure.

When Martha struggled with memories and felt afraid and lost, I sat next to her and held her hand…even when she was not sure who I was. I listened to her stories, and watched Elvis Presley movies with her over and over again. (She was a huge Elvis fan.)

You see…I could not accept anyone could care for me, but Martha allowed me to see that she accepted me without any expectations. I could not see anything in myself to care about, but I could accept the relationship I was building with this amazing woman.

I moved my focus away from me. I didn’t let myself dwell on my feelings of worthlessness when I was with her…because with her, I was not worthless. I mattered to her.

I began my own therapy. I found I could begin to see I did have value.

I reached a point that I had to make a conscious choice. I could either keep myself closed and isolated, or I could stop focusing on how I felt, and open my heart and let myself care about others, regardless of their ability to care about me.

I found that the secret for me was that when I simply accepted other people and let myself care about them without expecting anything from them, that they began to treat me in the manner that I was treating them.

I also learned that people care in different ways, and they showed it in different ways. In order for me to find what I need, I had to learn how to show people that I could give to them what I needed for myself.

People will let you down. Some will do so because of their selfishness. Most will let you down because they simply don’t know what you need. They do not mean harm, they are simply not aware.

I went through the motions and acted like I cared about me, until I was actually able to care about me.

I told myself something good I had done each day, until I believed in myself again.

I also found that people I thought would be there, were not. However, people I did not consider particularly close, were the ones that were there.

This is a long story to tell you…. find a way to care about you. Find a way to open your heart without restrictions, and you will find that others care. You cannot see it now, but there are people that care.

My friend was right. I found happiness and peace… but lord it was anything but easy.

I wish you all the happiness in the world. You matter.