For now ,I guess I have a much better life rather than most of the females at my age. I don't need to work, just stay at home to take care of the family and my health as well; I don't earn money but at the same time I do everything carefully to save money; Except  for the money,I can do whatever I want in my little castle. It seems like I am a totally fool by having  such an easy life but still can't stop feeling too worried.It must be my fault.

Then what is the matter? What kind of sorrows can prevent me from enjoying the pleasures ringt in front of my eyes? The truth is that I have lost confidence on myself. I am used to stay alone, as I don't like to join people . What 's more I don't have  any work, so I am sure that I am getting farther and farther away the society.I don't know what will I be able to do in the future when return to the crown. What life I would like to have.It's serious problem that I must think deeply.

I'm 30years old now,however  I don't know neither what exactly is my  advantage,nor what am I really interested in.I want to take this period of free time to study something to improve myself in order to get a better job after my health recovery.However I can't calm down my heart.I am not able to insist being concentrated in the major every day.Sometimes it can make me feel desperate. I even hate myself.

I can easily understand that I should make good use of Such opportunity for studying if not it will not happen again for me.Sooner or later, my rest time will come to the end. If I do nothing,then I will regret.However,when I see how difficult it is for me  to learn, I almost give up.

Oh my god! I am already a looser. If without my husband, I don't know what can I live with.We have so much touble in life.I don't do anything to share the reponsibilty of familly that make my husband  have to suffer a lot.It's so difficult for him,he has to work very hard everyday with a lot of problems to deal with.Especially for now,he need to do the most important project.He takes all his efforts to do the technology and sales work,however he fails time and time again.If he can't overcome all these difficulities,then he will loose the orders.He might also loose his job in the coming future.What if he can't earn any money for the family ? What if it's all my responsibility to support the family ? I can't imagine it.

I am nothing,nobody!! So that I fear the future.And always worry too much.