A Wife’s Farewell
This essay tells the story of a young man parting with his beloved wife, when he was leaving their home for his career.
It was still in the night, silent and lonesome. The cold rain of late spring was falling gently, as if they were just a blanket of fog.
Behind a distant hedge, a dog seemed to be barking for a short while. Probably someone was passing by. The dog was barking in despair. The soft rain, like a bronze bell, cut the barks off, making it impossible for the barks to reach the mountains surrounding the town. Returning to the courtyard, the dog shook his wet fur, sat among a haystack and looked as if he was anxiously guarding the house. “Woof, woof!” he cried. Soon the room was lighted up. The light flickered as it shone on the cold walls, and out of the house through the cracks. The strands of rays looked like threads of gold.
A young woman, sitting on a large, old bed, picked up a steel watch and had a look at it. Frowning, she spoke to the young man lying on the bed, “Wake up, wake up! You are going to miss the ship.”
The young man, still half dreaming, turned himself over in bed. The woman, her fingers trying to open his eyelids, shook his body, “You’d better wake up! You are going for your trip, aren’t you?”
The man responded, his voice rather unclearly, “Then what time is it now?”
“Eleven forty-five, just a quarter to twelve.”
“Then I still have one hour for my sleep. I prefer to sleep for that one more hour.”
“Isn’t the ship departing at seven?”
“Yes, but 6 hours are enough for that 70lilong trip to the port.”
With this, the young man seemed to be falling into sleep again.
“You’d better eat something now. The road will be slippery in the rain. The trip will thus take you more time. It’s time to get up.”
But, as she watched her husband falling sleep again, she got closer to him. With her head shortly above his face, she said, “Then you can set off one day later. Let me turn down the candle and go to the bed as well. It’s rather cold sitting here.”
All of a sudden, the young man rose up. He woke himself up and kissed her on the face. He said, “I can’t put it off anymore! I really can’t!”
“You can put it off, for just one more day.”
“Nope, it has been put off twice already.”
“Three times is also okay.”
“Today is really the deadline. I have to set off.”
“The rain is hard. You can hear it. And you should put it off.”
Sleepily, he sat on the bed and smiled at her, “My darling, the rain is quite soft, not hard really. Then I shall have no excuse for delaying the trip.”
With this, he buttoned up his clothes and stood in front of her.
“Can’t you just delay for one day? I will miss you!”
She laid her head on his shoulder. Tears poured out of her eyes.
“Let me go, my darling. And I will return.” He kissed her unruly hair, as he promised.
“Just one day! One more day only! Please!”
Her whole face sunk onto his chest, as if she was a spoiled small girl.
“Let me go, my darling. You can’t avoid my departing by putting it off. Now that I have already woke up, and you have suffered from the night’s coldness for a while. We have delayed the trip for one day already. Two days actually. It’s quite urgent and my friends will loathe at me. Please let me go.”
“Then say goodbye to Mother, before you leave.”
The young woman now walked towards the corner and started packing his luggage in a small leather case. She spoke to his husband while packing the luggage. “I will be expecting your letter upon your arrival. Do keep writing to me.”
“Absolutely.”
“I know you are an honest man. And your honesty lies in your conduct.”
He smiled at her. And together they walked out.
Mother did not get up, as he had insisted. She is old and sick. From her bedroom, she said to her son, standing outside, “Have your breakfast before you leave. There is enough time, so don’t walk in a hurry. The road is slippery. Make sure your lantern is fully lighted up. Upon your arrival, remember to write to your wife. She will miss you. Write to her often and keep in contact. Mind your health while alone. Ah, I’m being too wordy. Go and have your breakfast now.”
The son stood here, listening to his mother carefully, but failing to do the exact same as she asked. With the lamp, his wife opened the door. She decided to see if the rain is really that gentle or not. The fine rain fell on her face and body, and she felt chilled, the lamp on her hand trembled with the chill. The dog came in, walked around the young woman, with his tail wagging. Then he barked once or twice. The woman really could not bear it: Her husband would soon be parting. The future was as vague as a dream. Besides going to be and dream her vague dreams, she had now no excuses and no ways to ask her husband to stay.
She put two eggs on the cold rice and heated the meal, her mind straying away. She put the meal into a big bowl, and put it on the table, in front of her husband. Beneath the table, the dog stayed.
The young man ate as he looked at his watch. “Don’t be in such a hurry. There is enough time.” His wife said repeatedly. He smiled and kept eating. In less than five minutes, he ate up the meal.
They returned to their room, silent and filled with a sense of melancholy. Even the lamp looked dimmer and dimmer. He tried to fix the wick, but his wife replied, “The lamp is running out of kerosene.”
“Then why don’t you fill it up?”
“I will go to bed after your departure.”
“Then I will go now.” The young man stretched his back and said, “Have a good sleep.”
“Don’t be in such a hurry. I will see you off first.”
“I hope you can have a good night’s sleep. I will lock the door and there is nothing for you to worry about.”
He hugged his wife tightly, and could not help but kissed on her cheek. The young women, silently and helplessly sunk in his hug, her eyes filled with tears.
“Write to me.”
“I will.”
“Come back home early.”
“Yes, my darling. But I can’t just set off today and come back home tomorrow.”
He kissed her hands.
“What if you can’t catch up the ship in the morning?”
“Then I will have to stay at the port for a day.”
“You might be missing the ship. The rain is becoming harder.”
“Then I must stay home for one more day?”
He smiled, as she kept silent.
“Go to bed and let me off.”
“Just set off for the port now. I will lock the door after seeing you off.”
Tears lay on her face.
“Go to bed, please! Our dog will guard the door.”
He kissed off her tears and said, “Just go to bed and have a rest.”
“I can’t leave, with you standing here like this.”
“Like what? I am rather happy that I can see you off.”
“You don’t have to. You don’t have to see me off. Stay on the bed and I have words for you. I will really have to stay one day at the port, if you insist.”
“Then I have to go to bed. Leave for your trip.”
She turned over the quilt and crawled into it. The young man, his body bending over her chest, held her head with his hands. Silent for a while, he said, “I am leaving.”
“So that’s what you want to say? Nothing more?” His wife reminded him subconsciously.
“Ah, we will have to make one more promise.”
“What is it?”
He faced her face and said, “What if I can’t return? What about you then?”
“As long as you don’t struggle with your conscience. What else can I do if you fall in love with someone else?”
“That’s not what I mean. That is simply impossible. Don’t you really know me? But away from home, chances are that I will then be more likely to die. What if I die from an accident and will never return? What will you do then?”
“Do notsay such an inauspicious thing anymore!”
“I know it will be hard for you to answer. But I have to make this promise with you.”
“Leave now! Leave for your trip. Don’t you want to start your trip now?”
He touched her face, and smiled sadly, “How can I answer to you? I will always be with you!”
She replied, quickly, “No! That is not true. Why will you be always with me?”
“Don’t talk about this anymore. Please!”
“What if I die? The ship sinks or I get murdered. You don’t have to be sad. Life isn’t that ‘meaningful’ as you might think. You have to remember this.”
“You are thinking more and more in a mess. Start your trip now!”
“Of course I am leaving now. But will you remember this promise of us?”
“Leave for your trip now!”
He was still kissing her face and cried, “My wife!”
The taste of farewell was sad and bitter. It was even sadder and bitterer during a rainy night. Their love was true and genuine, and they kissed each other. But this could not help avoid their separation. He, the young man, with a small case and an umbrella, held a lantern beneath it, glowing lights lonely on his body and the path before him. Outside, he closed the door, only to hear a voice which seemed to be his wife’s weeping. But he had no words. Their dog wanted to follow him. So he stopped and patted the dog affectionately for a while. He touched the dog’s ears and asked him to sit near the door. Then he left and walked into the darkness and the rain. He carried his lantern, as if he were a firefly over the grass along the river bank.
Not a single person was in sight on the roads. His heart was full of sourness. A wave of silence and coldness sadly filled him. Although he bravely marched forward, hearing his own steady footsteps one by one, in his mind appeared the sight of his family and what his wife did during their farewell. That memory of love’s sweetness has become a memory. It would not come back. This was when he really felt it this way. Coldness surrounded him, as the spring rain continued gently. But his heart was full of fire and burning fiercely.
“Why am I doing all of this? For myself? Or for society? But I can’t bring my wife with me… Anyway, this shouldn’t be in my mind. A career is in front of me. I belong to society. Parting with my wife, it really shouldn’t matter.”
With this in mind, his footsteps quickened. He marched on, without noticing that the rain has wet his coat.
May 1, 1929
Original text in Chinese by Rou Shi (1902-1931); English translation by Di Fan.
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