欧洲那些事儿在前几天的文章，迎来了不少的鲜花和砖头。事实上争议性正是我们写这些的原动力，各种讨论和交流使得我们更多的了解其他人，也更加了解自己。在本片文末，我们集中了几个大家最关心的问题进行了回答。今天我们的话题将会更加深入一些。再一次，欧小主要强调：我们不比较文化的优劣，不干涉人生自由和个人见解，多看一些，多了解一些是我们形成个人观点的土壤。
国内某知名导演最近与妻子互爆婚内出轨事件，揭开了多重伴侣关系神秘面纱的一角。事实上，国内有权有钱阶层一直都存在这种所谓“各玩各的”的婚姻关系，而底层的劳动人民，尤其是外出打工者也存在“临时夫妻”的现象。这些特殊的婚姻状态是对 “一夫一妻制” 的挑战还是补充？在不伤害到任何人的前提之下，是不是可以理解这样的生活状态呢？像是现在大火的“七月与安生”，为什么不可以快乐地生活在一起呢？
欧小主特意专访了一位正在实行开放式关系的朋友，Juliette是一位住在荷兰的美国人，从事西班牙语和英语的翻译工作。她与她的丈夫在荷兰已经结婚，并且有个可爱的女儿。从婚前开始，他们就这种“开放式关系”达成了共识，多年之后，他们依然很满意这样的生活状态。
欧小主
你和你的伴侣是什么时候开始讨论“开放式关系”的？
Juliette
我曾在我的第一段婚姻中出轨，出轨的对象就是我的现任丈夫罗兰。当我们的婚外情被发现时，这件事对每个人都造成了可怕的影响。 这件事后，我告诉罗兰，我在这段感情中有可能依然会出轨，他告诉我，或者我不需要出轨，或者当我喜欢上了别人，我可以告诉他。多棒的主意！我们当时并没有意识到这就是所谓的开放式关系，但是我们从此踏上了这条旅程。起初我们以为开放式关系是一个很奇怪的概念。后来我们意识到，我们自己就是开放式关系实践者。
欧小主
你为什么选择这种“开放式关系” ？
Juliette
因为即使我跟一个完美的人结婚了，有的时候我依然会遇到一个特别的人，使我想跟他有比朋友更亲密的关系。很多人都是如此。起初我还以为我是个坏人才没有办法做到只爱一个人，但现在我觉得这个设定不是那么合理，为什么要不再爱（离开）一个人，然后才能开始爱另一个。如果你选择只爱一个人，这很好。但是如果你想爱得更多，这一定是错误的吗？我们不这么认为。只要是两厢情愿，对我们来说更多的爱是好事，不是坏事。
欧小主
那你为什么要结婚呢？
Juliette
最初，我们结婚是因为我们想要孩子，我们认为婚姻将让孩子的生活更轻松。后来的事情发展并没有按照我们的计划进行，但我们没有离婚的理由。我们其实非常地爱对方，不论有或没有其他的爱人。我们结婚是一个形式化的事情，我们在市政厅领证了，没有证人也没有大张旗鼓办婚礼。
欧小主
这种关系是否达到了你想要的结果呢？
Juliette
绝对。现在，我们有我们梦想中的家庭，我们仍然欢迎生命中更多爱情发生的可能性。这已经成为了一个有趣的生活方式。
欧小主
你们都互相认识彼此所有的爱人吗？
Juliette
当然。这里没有秘密。我们确实有隐私（比如：我们不分享所有的约会细节），但我们总是知道与参与的人是谁，而且我们并没有很多的爱人。我们可能会同时拥有一两个爱人，但不会更多。
欧小主
需要约定彼此有同样数目的爱人吗？
Juliette
绝对不用。我们觉得这样的规则是愚蠢的和毫无意义的。
欧小主
那么钱的问题呢？
Juliette
我不是太了解你的意思。我们有应对家庭开支的共同家庭帐户，其他的部分是个人自己的账户，个人账户全由自己掌控。
欧小主
这个开放式的关系你会告诉你的孩子和其他亲友吗？
Juliette
是的，我们认识的人都知道。我们的女儿知道。我们没有保密的打算。在另一方面，我们并不会主动宣扬，比如我们女儿的老师或医生等我们会告诉他们（他们接受的很好）我们不会把它复杂化，大多数人只是点头然后改变话题。大多数人真的不那么在乎别人的私生活。他们甚至真的没有什么问题想问。
欧小主
你会因为开放式的关系而跟你的丈夫更亲密吗？
Juliette
绝对。只要我有自由做我自己，可以与其他男人在一起，即使目前我并没有其他伴侣，我也为拥有这份自由而很开心，这也使得我更加依恋我们的婚姻。我喜欢与我的丈夫分享爱情的冒险之旅。
— END —
荷兰撩汉指南，吸引了不少读者在我们后台提问，在这里荷常在集中回答几个大家都关心的问题：
这篇文章体现的算是荷兰的优秀文化吗？
荷常在以为文化没有优秀和糟粕，只有特点和适应性，我们在此不是宣扬更优秀的文化，而是向大家介绍不一样的观点，不一样的世界。
这是不是鼓励中国女孩在性方面自由呢？
荷常在无意影响任何个人自由，只是向大家介绍不同的生活方式。仁者见仁，智者见智吧。
女生吃避孕药是否存在危害呢？
目前的避孕药技术已经很成熟，正确服药的避孕成功率高于99%（TT的成功率是97%），并且不影响之后的生育。但是避孕药有不同种类，最好是能够去医院做个激素检测，让医生帮你选择最适合自己的。当然也有人不适合服用避孕药，这都需要专业的医生意见。
在荷兰可以堕胎吗？
在荷兰堕胎是合法的，通常在22周之内可以进行，三个月以上的流产必须在医院进行。
你们这样的文章会造成更多的中国女孩被老外骗的！
不能给老外骗，难道非得留着给中国人骗吗？
附Juliette 采访稿原文，供大家参考：
When did you start to discuss with your partner about this open relationship?
I used to cheat on my partners, including my first husband. I cheated on my first husband with Roland, my current husband. When we were discovered, it was of course an awful thing for everyone to go through. I told Roland that I would probably cheat on him too, and he suggested maybe I wouldn't have to. Maybe I could tell him if I was interested in someone else. What an idea! We knew nothing about the word polyamory, but that's how we got started on this path. At first we thought polyamorists were weirdos. Later we realized we were polyamorists.
Why do you choose to have open relationship?
Because every once in a while, even though I'm married to a wonderful man, I meet someone special with whom I want to be closer to than friendship. Many of us do. At first I thought I was a bad person for being unable to commit to just one, but now I feel that it's unreasonable to insist that you stop loving (and leave) one person before you can start loving another. If youchooseto love only one person, fine. But if you want to love more, does that have to be wrong or bad? We don't think so. As long as it's consensual, we think more love is a good thing, not a bad thing.
Why do you get married then?
Initially we got married because we wanted children and we thought it would make their lives easier. That didn't (exactly) work out the way we had planned, but we see no reason to get divorced. And we are in fact very much committed to each other, with or without other partners. It was pretty much an administrative thing; we got married at city hall with no witnesses or fanfare.
Has open relationship reached your desired results?
Absolutely. We now have the family of our dreams, and we are still always open to the possibility of adding more love to our lives. It's become a fun way to live.
Do you both aware of all the partners of each other?
Always. There are no secrets here. We do have privacy (we don't have to share all the details of every date, for example), but we always know with whom everyone is involved. And it's not like a lot of people. One or two of us might be dating someone at any given moment, but it's not this massive amount of people coming and going.
Is it necessary to have same number of partners for both side?
Absolutely not. We feel rules like that are silly and pointless.
How about money issue ?
Please tell me more about what you want to know. We have a family account for family expenses, and we each have our spending money that we do with as we please.
Do you share these information with kids and friends or families?
Yes, everyone we know knows. Our daughter knows. We don't believe in being closeted or keeping secrets from anyone. On the other hand, we don't go around announcing it to people, other than perhaps our daughter's teacher or doctor ("You should know that Maya has 3 parents instead of 2,", which they are fine with). We keep it very simple, and most people simply nod and change the subject. Most people really don't care about other people's private lives that much. They wouldn't even know what to ask, really.
Do you get more close with your husband because of these arrangement?
Absolutely. Just having the freedom to be myself with other men, even if I'm not dating anyone, makes me very happy and makes me want to stay in this marriage with him. I love sharing the adventure of relationships with him.
