Yesterday when I asked why u married me, u made me speechless with a rhetorical question "Married?", as if we have never married and will never marry again.
Every time I am the one who cares, cares everything about us, every problem between us, trying to figure out why and how - while u repeat the same sentence "It's none of my business". This sentence sentences me to death.
When I m writing, I m pretending I m talking to u, and u r able to listen to me. But just in a second, I realized it will never happen. How could one communicate with a man who doesn't share the same frequency band?
U r like an immense ocean. Every stone I tossed has been swallowed silently. Others can never imagine how I desire a response. When I hold u tight, I want u to hold me back, even once.
I love u. I love u once, I love u twice, I love u more than beans and rice. I appreciate everything u have done for me, deep in my heart.
However, my heart is not what u want. U want a cooperator who shares mutual interests. It's nothing more than a trade.
We all live in complicated lives. But similar stories happen. When she was an independent person, he was attracted by her charms. And when she finally got the courage to take him as the shoulder to lean on, his shoulder became cold.
Naturally, women are weaker and more discreet creatures, (maybe unconsciously) seeking for men who are able to take the responsibility of raising her future children. The cost of leaving is higher as well. Of course every woman can be independent, but who would like to if she has a man as her pillar and let her be a little girl.
Taking efforts is never hard. But taking less efforts, in terms of making less money, should never be a reason of claiming divorce to a woman. The fact is, there r hundreds of reasons to leave when one gets tired. And the person who is so easy to get tired have never loved with his heart.
For so many times I lied to myself that u have said the sacred vow in your heart - "I will love u from this day, till the end of my day." Oh, u must despise those words.
It's always torn me apart on leaving u, please give me a reason to stay. Final decision hasn't been made, but I know that I have tried enough times on saving, so I will not regret on giving up.
No one can protect me. No one can protect anyone.
U know nothing, Jon Snow.
