People don’t smile enough these days, sowe’re bringing it back. When dealing with any situation or scenario whereyou’re uncomfortable, it’s easy to get caught up in your head, which means youprobably have a stupidly sad look on your face. Pretty soon, you’ll develop thereputation of “that creepy guy in the corner who smells like cheese.” Now, ifyou don’t smell like cheese, you’re already halfway home!
We’ll just work on the other half: smile.
Not a fake smile, not a creepy smile, but agenuine smile.
Don’t know how to smile correctly? Stand infront of a mirror, close your eyes, and look down. Look up, smile, and openyour eyes at the same time. See that smile right there? THAT’S a genuine smile.Just like Butters.
Win the staring contest
Unless you work at home in your underwearand only interact with your cat (my day is way different than that – shut up),you probably have quite a few conversations with people on a daily basis:
Your coworkers at the water cooler
The lady behind the counter at CVS
Your waitress at lunch
Random strangers that you pass on thestreet.
When was the last time you looked somebodyin the eye until THEY looked away first? If you’re like me, you’ve probablyalways been the first to “flinch.”
I say no more!
Starting right now, you’re going to be theperson that doesn’t look away. Think of each interaction as a mini-battle –your eyes against theirs. As long as you’re smiling and blinking, you won’tcome across as creepy…unless, of course, you’re actually a creep. If you’ve alwaysbeen shy, the first few times doing this will be absolutely nerve-wracking –power through it. Once you start to be the non-flincher consistently, you’llquickly learn that everybody else is nervous as hell too and will quickly lookaway given enough time.
Get out of your head
After going through some physical changes,it’s going to take time for you to adjust how you feel on the inside versus howyou look on the outside. I sometimes still feel like the 5-foot, 100-poundhigh-school sophomore with braces even though I haven’t looked like that forover a decade. I have friends who used to be fat guys who still feel huge eventhough they have a single digit body fat percentage.
It’s time to stop living inside your head.
If you feel out of place in a situation,everybody around you probably does too. We all have our own insecurities; it’sthose of us that can exist outside of our brains and project confidence thatusually get what we’re chasing. As a fellow nerd and chronic over-thinker, Iknow this is tough to do: stop thinking so damn much and just go for it.
Once you spot somebody you’re interestedin, don’t give yourself more than three seconds before approaching him/her.Anything beyond that will cause you to over-analyze the situation in your headand probably end up doing nothing. You’ll quickly learn that “if you don’t ask,the answer is always no, ” so you have nothing to lose.
Introduce yourself immediately to strangersat a party – get the awkward out of the way immediately, and you’ll come acrossas cool and collected.
Once you have your speech or presentationprepared, don’t give yourself hours to get nervous – concentrate on somethingelse to occupy your mind until it’s time to present. Don’t over-think, justfollow the plan and talk slowly.
Ralph Waldo Emerson once said: “He who isnot everyday conquering some fear has not learned the secret of life.”
I bet those three things listed above seemscary to 95% of the population (they all scare the bajeezus out of me, which isprecisely why I force myself to do them). Part of building confidence is takingrisks and having the ability (and the guts) to do stuff that scares you.
Your mission
As you follow these five steps, you’llstart to appear more confident, which will make some of your encounters moresuccessful, which will instill more confidence in you, which will then makeeven MORE of your encounters successful, and so on. Think of your confidencelike a giant snowball with lots of inertia – tough to get started, but onceit’s rolling the momentum will take over.
Your homework for today - while walkingdown the street with your head held high, shoulders back, and a big smile onyour face, make direct eye contact with at least five strangers that walk byand give them a simple “hi.” Remember, they have to be the ones to look awayfirst, not you.
The first few times will feel reallyawkward, but who cares – you’ll never see them again. As you get more“missions” under your belt, you can progress to other more challengingobjectives, like striking up a conversation with a stranger, giving a speech,robbing a bank, etc.
One last thing: with great power comesgreat responsibility. There is a fine line between having confidence and beingcocky – nobody likes the cocky guy who is full of himself, so cool it with thecheesy pick up lines, stories proclaiming your awesomeness, and creepyseduction techniques. Fear and nervousness are easy to detect, but so is beingtransparently fake.
Don’t change what you are, just be learn tobe more confident in who you are.
So, what tips did I miss or mess up? Anyother words of wisdom to pass along? Us nerds need all the help we can get!
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