以下十个英文笑话，同时也是关于美国律师。虽然美国律师是个高收入执业，但美国律师因为收费高，也是饱受诟病，于是就诞生了很多关于美国律师的笑话，大多数都是贬低律师的。看这些笑话的时候，如果能找到其中的punchline（笑点），那么你就已经明白美国幽默了！
笑话一:
A lawyer dies and goes to Heaven. "There must be some mistake," the lawyer argues. "I'm too young to die. I'm only 55." "Fifty-five?" says Saint Peter. "No, according to out calculations, you're 82." "How'd you get that?" the lawyer asks. Answers St. Peter, "We added up your time sheets."
一个律师死了，到了天堂，问上帝：“你肯定弄错了，我才55岁，你怎么就把我收了？” 上帝说：“55岁？可是根据你在工作时间的记录，你已经82岁了。”
（美国律师按小时收费，可收费小时数就是billable hours，这些可收费小时数记录在工作时间表time sheet上面。这个笑话说的意思是，律师虚报自己的工作时间，过度向客户收费，才55岁的律师，工作的时间加起来已经到82岁了。）
笑话二
One day in Contract Law class, the professor asked one of his better students, "Now if you were to give someone an orange, how would you go about it?"
The student replied, "Here's an orange."
The professor was livid. "No! No! Think like a lawyer!"
The student then recited, "Okay, I'd tell him, I hereby give and convey to you all and singular, my estate and interests, rights, claim, title, and advantages of and in, said orange, together with all its rind, juice, pulp, and seeds, and all rights and advantages with full power to bite, cut, freeze and otherwise eat, the same, or give the same away with and without the pulp, juice, rind and seeds, anything herein before or hereinafter or in any deed, or deeds, instruments of whatever nature or kind whatsoever to the contrary in anywise notwithstanding..."
在合同法课堂上，教授问一个学生“如果你想给别人一个橙子，你应该怎么说？”
学生说：“给你一个橙子。”
教授说：“不，你要想一个律师一样说话。”
学生说：“好的。兹特此向受让人转让所有的和单一的、财产和利益、权利、诉求、产权、获利，所属于和在其中，对于该橙子，以及其表皮、果汁、果肉、种子，以及所有的啃咬、切割、冷冻、等各种食用方式，或者在没有表皮、果汁、果肉、种子中任何一个的情况下，在此之前，从今往后，任何性质或种类不同的契约、产权、文件。”
笑话三
The lawyer's son wanted to follow in his father's footsteps, so he went to law school and graduated with honors. Then he went home to join his father's firm.
At the end of his first day at work, he rushed into his father's office and said, "Father, father! In one day I broke the Smith case that you've been working on for so long!"
His father yelled, "You idiot! We've been living on the funding of that case for ten years!"
律师的儿子打算沿着父亲的人生道路成为一个律师，于是读了法学院，毕业之后，到了父亲的律所工作。
在上班第一天结束的时候，儿子冲到父亲办公室说：“爸爸，我在一天之内就把你一直没解决的史密斯的案件完成了！”
父亲说：“愚蠢之极！我们十年来都靠那一个案子创收！”
笑话四:
What did the lawyer name his daughter? The answer is Sue.
律师应该怎么给自己的女儿取名字？答案：苏
（Sue是一个英文女孩名，同样也是英文中“起诉”这个单词，这里用的是一语双关）
笑话五:
What do you call a priest that becomes a lawyer? The answer is a father in law.
神父转行做医生，应该叫什么？答案是——岳父。
（英文中岳父是father-in-law，法律上的父亲。所以神父懂了法律，就变成了father in law）
笑话六:
How does a lawyer sleep? He lies on one side, and then he lies on the other side.
律师是怎么睡觉的？先一边躺下，再另一边躺下（先对一方当事人说谎，再对另一方当事人说谎）
（英文中，“躺下”和“说谎”都是同一个词lie，所以这句还可以理解为“先对一方当事人说谎，再对另一方当事人说谎“，也是一语双关。）
笑话七：
Two attorneys went into a diner and ordered two drinks.
Then they produced sandwiches from their briefcases and started to eat.
The owner became quite concerned and marched over and told them, “You can’t eat your own sandwiches in here!”
The attorneys looked at each other, shrugged their shoulders and then exchanged sandwiches.
两个律师去一家餐厅点了两杯饮料。
然后他们从公文包里面拿出来三明治吃。
餐厅老板看见了不高兴就跟他们说“你们不能在这里吃自己的三明治。”
两个律师听了，互相对视，耸了耸肩膀，然后互相交换了三明治，继续吃。
笑话八:
What is the favorite Japanese food for a lawyer? The answer is Sosumi (so sue me).
律师最喜欢的日本菜是什么？答案是Sosumi。
（美国人对于外来词往往不做意译，只做音译，所以在美国的日本餐厅，寿司是Sushi，刺身是Sashimi，芥末是Wasabi。所以美国人觉得日本菜的发音都是这样的规律。而Sosumi和So sue me谐音，意思是“那就告我吧”，这应该是美国律师最喜欢听到的一句话了，也被戏称为美国律师最喜欢的日本菜。）
笑话九
A man needing some legal help walks into a law firm.
He asks an attorney:
"If I give you $300 to help answer two legal problems I have, will you help me?"
The attorney replies: "Sure, what's the other question?"
一个人需要法律上的帮助，就找到一家律所，进去问律师：“我给你$300美金，问你两个法律问题可以么？”
律师说：“好的，第二个问题是什么？”
（不用过多解释，就是为了说明美国律师收钱很过分。）
笑话十
Two lawyers walking through the woods spotted a vicious looking bear.
The first lawyer immediately opened his briefcase, pulled out a pair of sneakers and started putting them on.
The second lawyer looked at him and said, "You're crazy! You'll never be able to outrun that bear!"
"I don't have to," the first lawyer replied. "I only have to outrun you."
两个律师一起走在树林里面，遇到一头熊。
第一个律师马上从公文包拿出一双运动鞋，穿上打算跑。
另一个律师说：“别傻了，你不可能比熊跑得快。”
第一个律师说：“无所谓，我只要比你跑得快就行。”
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