A couple of weeks ago, I was at my cousin’s wedding ceremony.My cousin was the stunningly beautiful bride and she was one year younger than me.So,you would understand how much pressure I was under being there as a single older cousin.
Every relative on the table was talking excitedly about how great the wedding was and how beautiful the newlyweds were,then they would turn to me and smile,with a meaningful look saying “You are the next one”, “Find someone and get married before you are too old.” without having to say it.And turning 27 this year,I got a lot of that during this past holiday season.
Surprisingly,this Chinese New Year back home,people weren’t interested in how much money I make any more when they came to visit,which was quite a relief;they started to care about whether I was seeing anyone instead.When I replied politely, “No,not really” with a patient smile that I was trying to put on,one of my aunts was like, “You are about the age to think about it seriously”, an older aunt was more concerned and direct,“What are your expectations?Are they too difficult to meet?”The other day,I even got 15 missed calls from another aunt,she was trying to introduce me to one of her neighbors’ relatives’ nephew.Right,I have a lot of aunts,six of them.
The only aunt who didn’t seem to be too keen about this subject was my father’s oldest sister,and she said, “No hurry,niece,but you did promise me you would get married before 30.right?”
Did I? Why couldn’t I remember anything about saying it myself? LOL
30 is also the deadline my dad and mom set for me.They firmly believe that the best time to get married is before 30,especially for girls.And I think they have successfully brainwashed me that I would be one of those “leftover women” if I don’t start taking it seriously.Like many other parents out there they are simply worried that “all the good ones are taken”.
Frankly speaking,I never thought it is a problem not dating anyone even though my parents have started having this conversation with me ever since I stepped out of college,which was over 3 years ago.I still don’t.I am just waiting for the “Mr. Right” to come along.
I haven’t really been seeing anyone during the past few years not because I’ve been too busy working.No.The only reason is that deep down,I am not READY for it,for a serious relationship that might lead to a commitment.
This year,however,I feel I am.
Marriage,from my personal current view,is something of the same importance as building up a career.Just like we would try to figure out who we are,what we value in the process of choosing a career path,preparing and developing ourselves for it.It is also the case when it comes to marriage or a relationship.
We have heard loads of stories about young people today,either they’re too selfish to take part in a real loving relationship,I used to be like that when I was younger,or they rush into marriage and then several months or years later,they get divorced.
And why is that?
The answer revealed itself in my first favorite English book TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE,I reread it on my trip back to Dalian and tears rolled down my cheeks literally when it came to the chapter where Mitch and his dear professor Morrie talked about “Marriage”.I wish I could quote some of those soft and touching conversations,but it is too difficult for me to pick a part.At the age of 78,suffering a terminal disease ALS,Morrie,a very compassionate old man,shared a few rules that he knew to be true about love and marriage:
“If you don’t respect the other person,you’re gonna have a lot of trouble.If you don’t know how to compromise,you’re gonna have a lot of trouble.If you can’t talk openly about what goes on between you,you’re gonna have a lot of trouble.And most importantly,if you don’t have a common set of values with life,you’re gonna have a lot of trouble.Your values must be alike.”
I have seen those rules tested and proved over the past 30 years in my parents’ marriage.They both firmly believe in the importance of hard work,gratitude and family.Now they work as a team,though my mom loves rice and hates noodles while my dad can’t live without eating noodles for two days.There,of course have been ups and downs,but they have raised three beautiful children together and they have gradually become a better person because of each other.They are now like a pair of chopsticks.One just won’t work,it takes a pair to pick something up.I would give credit to the marriage they’ve built up together.
So,those single guys and gals who are turning 30 or a little bit over 30 out there,ask yourself softly the question:when is the best time for me to get married? It’s personal,isn’t it?
It is about time when we had the clarity about our values and someone sharing the same appears in our life.It could be in our 20s,it could be our 30s,it could be in our 40s,even.
The best is yet to come.What’s the rush?
