前面三篇文章我写了关于爱的力量，对梦想与现实的探讨，以及我在职业生涯里的“向前一步”。这一篇文章是关于怀孕生子的话题。
2015年我写了篇英文文章，“妈呀，我怀孕了！”(附在中文版后面）登在领英网上后收到很多积极的反馈。文章写的是自己怀二胎时的真实故事，希望以此给职场的女性朋友一些鼓励，也给上司们一些启发。
今天再发这篇文章并不是为了响应国家的二胎政策，也不是为了号召大家都去生孩子。不过毕竟生儿育女是人生大事，初入职场的年轻女性肯定会迟早面临类似的问题：我应该何时开始怀孕当妈妈呢？怀孕会影响我的职业规划吗？怀孕了我怎么样告诉老板？
希望这篇文章抛砖引玉，也能给碰到类似问题的朋友们一些启发和思考。
原文及中文如下：
“妈呀，我怀孕了！”
写下这个标题时，我自己都笑了。心想一旦这标题发到朋友圈，不知会收到多少祝贺和疑问呢。
也许有人会说，你在想什么啊？疯了？
好吧，别激动，我没怀孕。何况我又不是什么网红影星，即使真怀孕了也不应是什么大惊小怪的事情。
不过玩笑归玩笑，（当时）我发这篇文章前，在网上搜索了一下与这个标题相关的信息。可以肯定的是，不管用哪个搜索引擎，搜到的结果都与工作、职场、女性事业发展、管理培训这类话题基本不搭界。
做为一个职业女性，如果你以和对待家人一样的方式对老板和同事大声宣告自己怀孕了，那你一定是搭错了哪根筋。
我想这理由是不言自明的吧。
在此，我以自己的亲身经历，试图浅析每一位步入职场的女性朋友迟早必须回答的难题：
1. 什么时候最适合生孩子？
2. 孕期和产假会影响职场发展吗？
这是没有简单的答案的。
我就从自己当年在美国怀二胎并如何告诉我的老板的故事着手写。
首先得说，我非常喜欢我那时的老板乔·普拉卡。而且说起乔，凡是和他共过事或他手下的人都会同意我的看法：乔是一个非常棒的老板！在我的职业生涯中，我从来没见过任何一个比乔更加以实际行动真正地培养下属，并不断为下属（包括女性下属和我本人）创造机会的美国老板。当年我在乔的大部门任职时，他全权负责新业务发展，产品管理，市场和销售四个核心部门，而其中包括我在内三位总监是女性。另外，乔的部门当时还有四名女性高级经理。乔主持开会时，经常都是他和销售总监阿尔被身边强大的红颜包围。本来销售部门压力就大，在这种情况下，阿尔基本上是常年在开心却高压的环境中工作。
大家可能知道，美国的法律规定用人单位需要在聘用、提升、待遇等各方面公平对待少数族裔和女性，有关单位会对这些规定的执行定期进行审核，所以我们的人事部门每年也会对公司管理者进行培训和内审。每次人事总监来给我们对此项法规培训时，我们都会拿乔开心找乐，也会相互提醒要手下留情别把阿尔给气走了。顺便说一句题外话，可以毫不夸张地说，阿尔是公司、甚至我们行业里（包括客户）所有女性的男神。
当时乔的大部门在我们全公司赫赫有名。除了因为乔的职位和部门重要性，另一个特殊的原因就是，乔的部门不管任何时候，总是有一个以上的女性骨干在怀孕或休产假。
2003年春天，我们在墨西哥的坎昆召开年度销售大会。当时我正在和乔讨论年度产品预算、价格政策等关键话题，他突然有点紧张地看着我，笑着说，“湘伟，今年我们得看你了。你知道的，S，M，J三个都怀孕了。”
当时我管着北美地区几亿美元业务的产品战略包括产品定价。这几位怀孕的女性分别是新业务发展总监，一名商务经理和一名资深大客户经理。
我当然向乔保证自己义不容辞，一定全力以赴地支持他。
那时，我绝对没有胆量去告诉他，其实我也已经有孕在身！
可怜的乔，我想，如果当场告诉他我也怀孕的消息，也许他挺得住，但是万一给他在墨西哥搞出个心脏病来，那我的责任可大了！
不用说，销售会结束后的那个周末我坐立不安。其实那时我不但怀孕了，而且还在盘算着要辞职呢。当时我已经在瑞士罗氏维生素公司工作快十年，可是那年它被荷兰帝斯曼集团收购了。我想我正好可以辞职重新开始，也可以结束那时正两地分居的家庭生活。
接下来的周一我一大早就进了公司,等在乔的办公室门外。一般都早到的乔见到我有些吃惊。他一边开门，我一边毫不客气地跟着他进去。不等他开口，我就说，“早安，乔！我要告诉你一件事情：我也怀孕了！”
说完我如释重负。我现在还记得乔脸上瞬间的惊讶，他公文包掉地上的声音，以及随之而来他的拥抱。
“哇！恭喜你！我真为你高兴！”
我毫不怀疑乔是真心为我高兴。但是凭我对乔的了解，他也一定在想，“现在我怎么办？谁来干活啊？”
为了让乔安心，我们坐下来聊了一下我和另外几位准妈妈的大致时间表以及一些工作安排。关于辞职的事情我却是过了三个月才提的。
接下来的几个月我工作夜以继日，似乎被一种双重的责任感和紧迫感所驱动，我有使不完的力气。同时我也觉得自豪和快乐。
当我终于鼓足勇气，告诉乔我准备辞职，休完产假后不回来工作时，乔很明确地说我那样的想法非常愚蠢。他的理由很简单，”你怎么知道你休完产假后就真地想呆在家里呢？递个辞职报告还不容易，辞了再想回来可就不同了。而且现在处于公司兼并后的整合时间，你正好放心休息，公司的事情什么都不要操心。” （值得注意的是，很多女性都会为怀孕生产期间不能150%的为公司付出觉得内疚，有时候情愿辞职也不愿意与公司谈谈条件。）
后来知道，乔其实比我自己更了解我的职业抱负。因有了乔的指点，我没有递上辞呈。后来，我确实是从新泽西搬去了休斯顿生孩子。但是公司给了我一个新的工作机会，我可以在家里上班，作美国南部大客户经理。虽然那份工作让我降了职位，我也很愿意，因为我打心眼里就一直觉得跟客户打交道是最能练就本事的工作。所以我说我的职业生涯不是一条直线，也没走过捷径，但我很高兴自己有那段宝贵的客户经验。后来我很快又被公司升为负责日化产品的副总裁，并进入到公司在北美地区的核心管理层。我至今都非常感谢乔在关键时刻给了我最有力的支持。
很多人问我怎么平衡工作和生活。我不喜欢这个问题。对我而言，工作是人生的一个重要组成部分。如果工作时间不算生活，那不就是说工作=折寿吗？我们怎么可能把生活分割成吃饭、睡觉、走路、恋爱、交配、生子、工作呢？生活本身是奇妙的组合。有些事情我们能施加影响甚至完全掌控，有些事情我们无能为力。我每天能做到的就是把每个日子都过好、过到极致，包括我们工作的时间。
回想起来，我一直觉得自己非常幸运。我养育了一对让我骄傲的儿女，当然，这一路也有艰辛，也有很多人帮我，但我同时也能在职场上不断取得进步，每天学到新的东西、交到很多朋友。
我说我很幸运，但是运气不只是偶然的邂逅。我始终认为，我们都可以为自己创造运气，但前提是要有变得幸运的强烈欲望。我们一旦有了这样或那样的梦想，除了要相信自己的运气，最重要的还是努力再努力，然后运气就来了。
现在我再回到写这篇文章的初衷，我希望告诉那些为了怀一胎或二胎而倍受困扰的女性：如果当妈妈是你人生一个重要的愿望和计划，那就不要与怀孕的机会失之交臂。勇敢地面对自己的大肚子，勇敢地面对你的老板、你的下属和所有相干或不相干的人。怀孕的最好时机就是当你看着别的婴儿停步不前，想入非非的时候。一旦你想做妈妈了，其它理性的顾虑都可以暂时抛开。毕竟相对而言，怀孕是更有时效性的，事业的有效期却可以随着生命的延长而延长。
作为女性，我们被造化赋予了神奇神圣的使命- 孕育生命，延续生命，让生命超越自我、穿越时空并无限靠近永恒 - 这是女性本身的伟大之处、值得骄傲的资本。因此，我还有一个很鲜明的观点，我从不认为怀孕是女人作出的牺牲；怀孕也不是什么毛病，我们千万别因为怀孕把自己搞得太娇气了。至今为止，我仍然觉得我的两次怀孕都属于我人生最重要，最特殊，最美丽，最值得回忆的经历。
最后，我想对男性以及女性上司们说：我期待看到大家都像我当年的老板乔那样来支持身边的女性。我相信大家同意，虽然科技越来越发达，但目前我们的世界还是需要女性愿意怀孕生子的，所以我们也有责任让处在这个特殊时期的女性在工作环境中感觉舒服自然，更不应该让她们承受任何形式的歧视。
更何况，其实怀孕待产、产后的女性也是非常高效的。最近刷屏的五孩儿成功妈妈、三孩儿成功妈妈有不少。虽然我没有科学证据，但是我相信很多快乐的妈妈们都会同意这个观点。
或许你的故事也可以帮到很多人呢，欢迎你也来分享。
- 湘伟
2015年6月
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"OMG, I AM Pregnant!"
I laughed as I wrote down the title, wondering how many congratulations I might get in my mailbox tomorrow.
Some might even say, what are you thinking, crazy woman!
Okay, calm down. Before the rumor goes viral (I meant in my company; I am not Kim Kardashian, whose name popped up immediately when I googled the title), I promise I am still mostly sane, and I am not pregnant.
But jokes aside, before posting this essay, I did google the title, and found pages and pages of search results. You can be sure of one thing: this topic is not visibly displayed on any websites focusing on job search, professional networking, women's career advancement, management training, or executive coaching.
As a professional woman, you must be quite crazy to announce your pregnancy in your work place in the same way you would proudly announce it to your family and friends.
Do I have to explain why?
With my own story, I try to scratch the surface of the daunting questions that every professional woman entering the workforce might face one day:
1. When is a good time for having a baby?
2. Will my pregnancy / motherhood affect my career development?
There are no simple answers to these questions.
I still remember how I informed my then-boss Joe LaPlaca when I was pregnant with my son.
I must say I loved Joe! Everyone that worked for Joe or with Joe would agree with me: What a great man! What a fantastic boss! In my entire career, I could not think of anybody who did more to take real actions to develop people and support women's career development including mine.
I recall that at one point, Joe had three women directors and four women managers in his team of new business development, commercial management, and marketing & sales. We often had meetings with seven women, plus him, and a male sales director. Once or twice a year, our HR manager would come to train us hiring managers on Equal Employment Opportunity and Affirmative Action. As you can imagine, our only two men in the room and the seven women always enjoyed the great time of winking, laughing, and teasing each other--especially directed toward our boss Joe.
There was one unique situation that Joe, more than anyone else in our company, had to deal with: At any given time, one or more of these seven women would be pregnant!
In spring 2003, at our annual sales meeting that took place in Cancun, Mexico, Joe and I were going through our budgets and stuff, and he leaned to me with a nervous smile: "Xiangwei, you've got to help me a lot in these coming months! As you know, S, M, and J are all expecting."
Well, these pregnant ladies were our top account manager, commercial manager, and new business development director, respectively. And I was the commercial director overseeing pricing and product strategies for multi-hundred-million dollar businesses.
I assured Joe, as usual, that I would do my very best to help out!
At that moment, I chickened out of telling him that I was three months pregnant myself!
Poor guy, I thought to myself, he might be able to handle the news, but I'd better not take the chance of giving him a heart attack in Cancun.
Needless to say, I spent my weekend restlessly. Not only was I pregnant, but I was thinking about quitting my job!! The company division in which I had worked for 10 years (Roche Vitamins) had just been acquired by DSM (my current employer). I thought it was going to be the perfect timing to start a new life after my maternity leave.
On the coming Monday, I got to work early and waited right at the door of Joe's office.
Joe was normally always one of the earliest people in the office. He was obviously surprised to see me greeting him at his door.
I walked in, and together with my "Good Morning, Joe!" I said immediately, "I have something to tell you; I am pregnant too!"
What a sense of relief as I broke the news! I will never forget the shock on Joe's face, the sound of his briefcase hitting the floor, and his big warm hug that followed right after.
"Wow!! Congratulations!! I am so happy for you!"
I have not the slightest doubt that he was genuinely happy for me.
But knowing Joe, he must have been thinking: What am I going to do now?
We then sat down, talked about my timing, and chatted some more. I did not bring up the topic of quitting until three months later.
As promised, in the months that followed, I worked incredibly hard with a strong sense of intensity and urgency. I wanted to get everything done and organized before my leave. By the way, as I already know now, we can never get everything done in life. But I was fired up. I was happy and proud.
As it turned out, Joe seemed to know my professional ambitions better than I did. When I told him I was thinking of not coming back to work after my maternity leave, he basically told me I was stupid not to wait and see how I would feel afterwards. He actually told me that my timing was perfect, because we were going through the integration of two companies anyway! Quitting is easy! Once you quit, to come back will be so much harder. (Let's take a pause here. How many bosses out there would put our employees at ease like Joe did for me! On the other hand, we women often feel guilty for taking time off, for not being able to give 150%, and we quit instead of negotiating!)
I planned to quit my job at that time also because I wanted to move and join households with my then-husband who lived in another city.
But thanks to Joe, I never submitted my resignation. Six months later, after I moved and delivered my son in Houston, I was offered a sales job that allowed me to work from home!--My career path was not a straight line, and I made no shortcuts, good or bad--that's another story for another time!
I often get bombarded with the question, how to balance work and life. I don't mind being asked, but I don't really like the meaning behind it at all. Work is a part of life. Otherwise, our lives would be immediately shortened by the years we work! How can we separate these integral parts of our lives into pieces such as sleeping, eating, dating, mating, laboring, and working! Life is a beautiful mystery all together, there are things in life we can shape, things we can influence, and things we have no control over. All we have to do is cherish life and live to our fullest, even when we are working!
When I think back, I just feel lucky that it all worked out for me: I have been able to raise two wonderful children while advancing myself professionally.
Yes, we always need luck! But luck is seldom totally random. Luck is often like a wonderful dish made of many ingredients cooked in the right way at the right time. To get lucky, we must first work on getting the ingredients that will bring us luck! We can create our own luck. But it first starts with the strong desire to get lucky.
Now, back to my original intention for writing this essay, I wish to tell those women that are still troubled and concerned about their (future) pregnancy: Be brave to embrace pregnancy and motherhood if this is part of your life plan. The best time to get pregnant is when your heart yearns to be a mother! Be brave to tell your boss, too.
On the other hand, I must also say that getting pregnant is not a sacrifice. At least not for me. I still feel that my two pregnancies are the most important, memorable, and special periods of my life! As women, we are blessed to be able to experience something so unique in its true meaning and beauty: nurturing life, connecting and reaching beyond our own time! Maybe it's worth another blog, but I think having the victim mentality will neither create luck nor get us anywhere.
Finally, to male (and female) bosses, colleagues: I wish that you can all be the supportive Joe in your work place! I am sure you'd all agree that we need women to have children, or our world will be in trouble! So, we must help our women feel at ease at work before, during, and after their pregnancy!
The good news is that pregnant women tend to have incredibly high productivity. I have no scientific evidence except my own experience to support the claim. I am sure Joe would agree with me too.
...............
If you liked my story and found it helpful to you, your family, your friend, or your company, please click the share button so that more people could benefit from it. Not only that, imagine the signal you'd send to your employees if you shared your thoughts on this publicly on LinkedIn.
And of course, I feel already rewarded because of your time and your encouragement!
Thank you!!
Xiangwei
June 7, 2015
