The parents who devote time to their children even when it is not demanded by glaring misdeeds will perceive in them subtle needs for discipline,to which they will respond with gentle urging or reprimand or structure or praise,administered with thoughtfulness and care.They will observe how their children eat cake,how they study,when they tell subtle falsehoods,when they run away from problems rather than face them.They will take the time to make these minor correctionss and adjustments,listening to their children,responding to them,tightening a little here,loosening a little there,giving them little lectures,little stories,little hugs and kisses,little admonishments,little pats on the back.

            那些花时间照顾他们的孩子的父母甚至当它没有被明显过失要求的时候会觉察到他们对训导的微妙需求，对此，他们会以温和的敦促、谴责、建造或赞美来回应，小心谨慎地管理。他们会观察他们的孩子怎样吃蛋糕，怎么学习，当他们说出微妙的谎言时，当他们逃避问题而不是面对他们。他们会花时间做这些小小的修正和调整，倾听孩子们的声音，回应他们，这里稍微紧一点，那里稍微松一点，给他们讲小课程，小故事，小拥抱和亲吻,小忠告，背上的小拍。

            So it is that the quality of discipline afforded by loving parents is superior to the discipline of unloving parents.But this is just the beginning.In taking the time to observe and to think about their children's needs,loving parents will frequently agonize over the decisions to be made,and will,in a very real sense,suffer along with their children.The children are not blind to this.They perceive it when their parents are willing to suffer with them,and although they may not respond with immediate gratitude,they will learn also to suffer."If my parents are willing to suffer with me,"They will tell themselves ,"then suffering must not be so bad,and I should be willing to suffer with myself." This is the beginning of self-discipline.

            因此，有爱的父母给予的管教质量优于无爱的父母所给予的管教。但这只是开始。花时间去观察和思考他们的孩子们的需要，有爱的父母将经常为要做出的决定而苦恼，将，在一个非常真实的意义上，和他们的孩子一起受苦。孩子们对此并不盲目。他们可以察觉到当他们的父母愿意和他们一起受苦，虽然他们可能不会立即回应以感谢，他们也会学会受苦。“如果我们的父母愿意和我一起受苦，”他们会告诉他们自己，“那么痛苦就不会那么糟糕，我将愿意忍受自己的痛苦。”这是自律的开始。

            The time and the quality of the time that their parents devote to them indicate to children the degree to which they are valued by their parents. Some basically unloving parents,in an attempt to cover up their lack of caring,make frequent professions of love to their children,repetitively and mechanically telling them how much they are valued,but not devoting significant time of high quality to them.Their children are never totally deceived by such hollow words.Consciously they may cling to them,wanting to believe that they are loved,but unconsciously they know that their parents' words do not match up with their deeds.

            他们的父母在孩子们花费的时间和时间的质量表明他们被父母看重的程度。一些基本上无爱的父母，试图掩盖他们缺乏关怀，经常向孩子们表达爱，重复和机械地告诉他们他们有多看重，但是没有花费宝贵的时间高质量陪伴他们。他们的孩子决不会被这些空洞的话完全蒙骗。有意识地他们可能会依附于他们，想要相信他们是被爱的，但不知不觉中，他们知道父母的话与行动不符。

            On the other hand,children who are truly loved,although in moments of pique they may consiciously feel or proclaim that they are being neglected,unconsciously know themselves to be valued.This knowledge is worth more than any gold.For when children know that they are valued,when they truly feel valued in the deepest parts of themselves,then they feel valuable.

            从另一方面来说，真正被爱的孩子们，虽然在愤怒的时刻，他们可能有意识地感觉到或宣称他们被忽视了，不知不觉地认识到自己被重视。这些知识比任何黄金都值钱。当孩子知道他们有价值时，当他们真正感受到自己内心深处的价值时，然后他们觉得有价值。

            The feeling of being valuable--"I am a valuable person"--is essential to mental health and is a cornerstone of self-discipline.It is direct product of a parental love.Such a convition must be gained in childhood;it is extremely difficult to acquire it during adulthood.Conversely,when children have learned through the love of their parents to feel valuable,it is almost impossible for the vicissitudes of adult-hood to destroy their spirit.

            这种价值感—"我要一个有价值的人"—对心理健康至关重要而且是自律的基石。这是父母爱的直接产物。这样坚定的信仰必须在童年时期获得；在成年后再想获得极其困难。相反地，当孩子们通过他们父母的爱学到了价值，无论成年后人世如何变迁都几乎不可能摧毁他们的精神。