读 the moon and sixpence
in spite of myself: 情不自禁【There was real passion in his voice, and in spite of myself I was impressed. 】
slings and arrows:危险，灾难，明枪暗箭 【No one runs so hurriedly to the cover of respectability as the unconventional woman who has exposed herself to the slings and arrows of outraged propriety.】
When people say they do not care what others think of them, for the most part they deceive themselves. Generally they mean only that they will do as they choose, in the confidence that no one will know their vagaries; and at the utmost only that they are willing to act contrary to the opinion of the majority because they are supported by the approval of their neighbours. It is not difficult to be unconventional in the eyes of the world when your unconventionality is but the convention of your set. It affords you then an inordinate amount of self-esteem. You have the self-satisfaction of courage without the inconvenience of danger. But the desire for approbation is perhaps the most deeply seated instinct of civilised man. No one runs so hurriedly to the cover of respectability as the unconventional woman who has exposed herself to the slings and arrows of outraged propriety.
仔细想想，好像真是这样。以前怎么就没发现呢？
说得好听一点，是你身边的爱你的人会给你与众不同的勇气。说得难听一点，其实还是自己内心不够强大，需要别人给予支撑。
读《祭十二郎文》
汝病吾不知时，汝殁吾不知日；生不能相养以共居，死不能抚汝以尽哀，敛不凭其棺，窆不临其穴。吾行负神明，而使汝夭，不孝不慈，而不得与汝相养以生，相守以死。一在天之涯，一在地之角，生而影不与吾形相依，死而魂不与吾梦相接，吾实为之，其又何尤？彼苍者天，曷其有极！
爷爷死后，因为我是女生，守灵不让我去，火葬场不让我去，下葬也不让我去。
都21世纪了，他妈的为什么还要守这些狗屁规矩！
呜呼！其信然邪？其梦邪？其传之非其真邪？信也，吾兄之盛德而夭其嗣乎？汝之纯明而不克蒙其泽乎？少者强者而夭殁，长者衰者而存全乎？未可以为信也。梦也，传之非其真也，东野之书，耿兰之报，何为而在吾侧也？
这是一种你宁愿相信是假的却又明知道是真的却又无法相信却又不得不相信的消息。
想起《奇葩说》里不知道谁说的一句话：我去的地方不需要勇气，你们活着的才需要勇气。
