巴夏：爱情与成功
来自巴夏Bashar
00:00 17:02
问：
Hi, Bashar!
你好，巴夏！
巴夏：
And to you good day
你好！
问：
I'm very excited to be here, talking to you.
能来到这里与你聊天，我真的很兴奋！
巴夏：
We are excited to speak with you as well.
能与你聊天，我也很兴奋！
What would you like to discuss?
我们聊聊什么好呢？
问：
For the last four years, I've been heartbroken over this guy.
在过去的四年里，我为一个男人伤透了心
巴夏：
Heartbroken over this guy?
为情所困啊！
问：
Over a guy, yes!
是的，因为一个男人
巴夏：
Yes!
继续说
Heartbroken about what?
为何如此伤心呢？
问：
He doesn't want to be with me, but sometimes he does.
他不要我了，但时不时又来找我
巴夏：
Then why would you want to be with him?
那你为何还想跟他在一起呢？
Why would you want to attract somebody in your life that doesn't wish to be with you?
你为何要吸引一个不想跟你在一起人，进入你的生活呢？
What are you doing to yourself?
你为什么这么对待你自己？
问：
Every time I stop thinking about him, then he comes in to my life again.
每次我下定决心、一刀两断了，他又屁颠屁颠出现！
巴夏：
To test you to see if you're willing to give up your power to something that is what you prefer?
他来测试你，是否愿意把自己的力量，交给一个你不喜欢的人？
And yet you keep swallowing it to be?
而你又照单全收？
问：
Yes!
是的！
巴夏：
Why are you doing that to yourself?
你为什么这么对待你自己？
How about being heartbroken over what you're doing to yourself?
你为何不因为自己“虐待”自己，而伤透心呢？
问：
I think I am.
我想，我是这样的
巴夏：
I know you are.
我知道，你就是这样的
问：
But I just get really emotional about it.
只是，我会变得很情绪化
巴夏：
Of course you do,
你肯定会有情绪
Because you are feeling the result of what you believe to be true about yourself,
因为你的情绪化，是你对自己的真实看法导致的结果
But you can't wallow in the feeling
但你不能沉湎于这种情绪中
You have to get in touch with what you believe to be true about yourself
你要找到你对自己的真实看法
to understand what it is you are doing
才能明白，你到底在做什么
What it is you keep choosing to do
以及你为何会不断如此选择
问：
OK, I think probably I believe that I'm not lovable, or something like that.
好吧，我想我可能认为自己不可爱、不值得爱，诸如此类的
But even if I know that,
但即使我知道，这只是我的负面信念系统
I'm not sure how to change that.
我还是不懂得，如何才能改变这些负面信念
巴夏：
Well, let's examine it more specifically
好吧! 让我针对这点，分析一下
You may be aware of the fact that you believe you're not lovable,
你可能觉察到，你认为自己不值得被爱
But you haven't gotten down to the root of
但你还没找到其根本性原因
why that seems logical for you to believe.
就是你“不值得爱”这个信念，为何符合逻辑？
Why does that seem believable.
为何会让你深信不疑
That's another belief system.
因为这背后还有另外一个信念系统
Why does it seem believable that you're not lovable
我再问你：“你不值得被爱”，为何会让你深信不疑？
问：
Because the people I love don't love me.
因为我爱的人不爱我
巴夏：
The people that you love don't love you.
你爱的人不爱你
But again, all you're doing is repeating the pattern in that statement
你所做的，就是在不断循环你的（思言行）模式
Of attracting reflections of what you already feel to be true about yourself.
于是你不断吸引“你对自己真实感受”的反射
Which means you don't love yourself.
而你对自己的真实感受，就是你不爱你自己
So what else could you possibly attract if that's how you feel about yourself
如果你不爱你自己，你还能吸引其他什么东西来吗？
Other than people who will reflect to you your inability to love yourself
你只能吸引一些人来，向你展示：你没能力爱自己
Which is what they're doing
而他们就是这么做的
You can't be surprised by that if you don't love yourself.
你不爱自己，那出现这种情况，也没什么好惊讶的
That's what you would get.
结果肯定是现在这样
问：
I'm not surprise by it
我对结果不感到惊讶
I'm just not sure how to change it.
我只是不知道如何改变这个结果
巴夏：
I'm telling you how, but you're not really paying attention to the idea.
我正在告诉你该怎么改变，但你没有认真听我说的
问：
OK
洗耳恭听
巴夏：
Understand that if you know you don't love yourself.
如果你知道你不爱自己
I'm asking you another question.
我问你另一个问题
Why would you buy into that is being true that you don't love yourself
你为什么会认为，你不会爱你自己
Or that you can't love yourself
或者说，你无法爱你自己
or you’re not worthy of loving yourself.
或者说，你不不值得，得到自己的爱
Why would that seem logical to believe in.
这些信念，为何在你看来理所当然（符合你的逻辑）
问：
Because of the feeling, I guess.
我猜是因为我的感受
巴夏：
Nope!
不！
问：
Sometimes I love myself.
有时候我还是爱自己的
巴夏：
Sometimes like when?
有时候？什么时候？
Give me an example
举个例子
问：
When I rock climbing
当我攀岩的时候
and I feel like I get into the gamma states
我觉得自己进入了伽马状态
巴夏：
All right!
很好！
And in that state, you can feel that you love yourself.
在那种状态下，你能感觉到，你爱你自己
问：
Yes！
对的
巴夏：
So let me ask you a very important question.
好！那我问你一个非常重要的问题
问：
OK！
好！
巴夏：
What's the difference that you're making in your definitions between loving yourself when you rock climb and other circumstances in your life.
在你看来，攀岩候你爱自己，其他情况下你不爱自己，二者有何区别？
What difference are you making there In the idea of who you are in different situations.
就是说，不同情况下的你，（自我感觉）有何区别？
问：
I feel powerful and I feel like I can trust myself and
攀岩时，我觉得自己很强大，我也相信我自己
巴夏：
And why can't you bring that to other circumstances in your life,
那你为何不能把这种自我认识，带入生活的其他境况中？
What beliefs do you have that say,
是什么信念系统，导致你
I cannot feel this and know this same thing to be true in this situation,
无法在这种情况下，对自己有着相同的认识与感受（积极）
Even though I feel it in this situation.
即使这种认识与感受，我在这种情况下已经体验到
What differences are you defining there to be between the two situation
你对这两种情况，有什么不同的看法？
问：
I feel...Okay, so...
我感觉
巴夏：
Stop saying you feel, I know you feel
别跟我说你的感觉，我知道你的感觉
But what are you defining to be true?
你认为什么是真的？
问：
I have a definition that
我有个信念，认为：
to be lovable you have to prove yourself materially.
“一个人要有足够的物质基础，才有可能被爱”
巴夏：
What does that mean?
这话什么意思？
问：
Make a lot of money
有钱有闲
巴夏：
Why do you believe that to be true?
你为何会这么认为呢？
问：
Because..
因为..
巴夏：
Do you believe that to be true?
你真的认为是这样子吗？
问：
No. But the people I love believe it to be true.
不！但是我爱的人，认为就是这样的！
巴夏：
So what?
这又能怎么样呢？
You're not them. They're not you.
你不是他们；他们也不是你
They are not living your life
你过你的日子，他们过他们的日子
Why do you have to believe as they do?
你为什么要相信他们所相信的呢？
问：
It just seems true?
但是他们说的似乎也没错啊？
巴夏：
Why do you have to believe as they do
你为什么要想相信他们所相信的
In order to respect yourself
才叫尊重你自己
In order to love yourself.
才算爱你自己？
Why do you have to believe as they do
你为什么要想相信他们所相信的？
Do you understand that if they are imposing that kind of a belief system on you
你要知道，如果他们说服（强制）你相信一些他们所相信的
That they may think they love you.
而且自认为，是因为爱你才这么做
But it's not love that they're expressing
那他们这么做，并不是在表达他们的爱
Its control.
而是在控制你
Do you understand that by accepting what they are imposing on you as a belief system that that is not love.
如果你认为，接受一个强加在你身上的、不是出发于爱的信念系统
Therefore, you think that by going along with their beliefs, You are being loved,
你只要顺着这个信念去行事的话，你就会被爱
but you're not.
不，你不是被爱
You're just being controlled.
你是被控制住了
That's not love.
这根本不是爱
So you're under the misguided miss assumption
你其实是被误导了，你误解了爱的真意
that buying into their beliefs means that they’re loving you
不是认可对方的信念系统，他就会爱你
No they're not
不，他不会这么爱上你的
问：
Well...
但是
巴夏：
Well what？
但是什么？
问：
Well, it's just this one person.
就这一个人
巴夏：
I don't care how many people it is
不管有几个人
问：
It's just one person that I want to love me.
我只要这个人爱我
巴夏：
Why? Why do you care?
为什么？为什么你这么看重他？
问：
Because I like how I feel when I'm with him.
因为我喜欢跟他在一起的感觉
巴夏：
So what you're saying is,
那你的意思就是说：
Even though there might actually be someone out there who would actually love you even more
即使外面有个更加爱你的男人
Even more perfectly and really love you.
真正的爱你的、给你完美的爱情的男人
You're the hold on to someone who doesn't really love you in the way that you prefer to be love.
你还是会死心塌地爱着一个不爱你的人，对你不好的人？
Just because it's about oh, I don't know 82% of it.
仅仅是因为你觉得：“哦！我也不懂，但这男的，82分”
That's enough?
这就够了吗？
You're gonna to settle for that
你就打算这么定下来了？
And prevent, block the passage of, block the arrival of someone out there
置其他男人于不顾，阻止其他
Who might actually be able to love you 100% for who you are,
可能100%爱你，100%接受你的人，进入你生命中？
Is that what you're actually willing to do it yourself?
你是真的愿意这么对待你自己吗？
Just because you think you can't attract someone else any better than this.
仅仅因为你认为：自己无法吸引一个更优秀的人到来？
Is that what you're saying?
你是这个意思吗？
Nod your head
快点头承认
问：
I don't think I can attract someone better unless I'm better, and I feel
我认为，我无法吸引一个更好的，除非我自己变好了
巴夏：
Exactly
完全正确！
And exactly.
完全正确！
And when you allow yourself to recognize
当你真正明白
That someone who exhibit 82% of the traits that you prefer
一个有着你“理想伴侣”82%特征的男人
Isn't the person that you prefer
并不是你要找的男人
You will then allow him to get out of the way
那你就会允许他，从你的人生中走出来
And allow the other person to come in.
同时也给出空间，让其他人可以进来
You're the one blocking love from your life that could be there
你才是那个“阻挡真爱到来的人”
Because you're not willing to be strong enough to know
因为你不愿意选择进入“强大自信”状态（攀岩）
that you deserve better than just some of it.
于是你就无法知道，你值得拥有完美的爱情，而不是将就的爱情
You understand
你明白吗？
Some of it is not what you prefer.
将就的爱情，不是你要的爱情
Yet your holding on to it
而你却又“痴心不改”
Because you don't believe anything else can come in
因为你不相信，更美好的爱情，在等你让它进来
And the reason it doesn't come in,
它没进来，因为进不来
is because your blocking the way with someone who is only partially what you prefer.
因为你让一个“挺喜欢”的人，在那里占道（占着茅坑）
You're the one jamming the lanes.
是你给你自己添堵了
Let him flow off
让他走
Let him flow by
让他过
Because whoever does show up,
因为，不论出现什么样人
you won't care who it is
你都不在乎
Because they will feel correct.
因为你能感觉到，Ta 就是对的人
Let me ask you a question this way,
我换个方式问你
Have you ever had any other relationships before this one.
在这个男人之前，你有过亲密关系吗？
问：
Yes,
有的
巴夏：
Well, how did this one come about, if you didn't let the other ones go
如果你不让“前任”走，你怎么能让“现任”进？
问：
Okay great.
说得好！
巴夏：
Thank you.
谢谢！
Obviously isn't it?
很明显的，是吧？
So what's so different about this
我再换个说法，你看看是不是这样
All you've done is attract to yourself something to test yourself to see
你所做的一切，其实是吸引某人来，检测你
If you're willing to put up with something that is a half measure
看你能否与一个“将就的情人”合得来（put up with忍受）
As opposed to standing firm in what you know to be true for you that you prefer,
而不是：坚定自己的立场，清楚地知道自己想要的是什么的人
And letting your life flow that to you.
并允许生命之流把他带给你
You're actually willing to shortchange yourself
你其实在欺骗自己，而且愿意欺骗自己
Why?
为什么呢？
If it happened before that you let someone else go their way.
如果之前你让某个人离开，走他自己的路
Because something more came in
因为有更美好的东西要进来
What's so difficult about doing it again
那之前做过的事，再做一次为何会那么难呢？
If you understand that something else can come in if you don't block it from doing so.
既然你已经知道，只要你不阻拦，更美好的东西肯定会进来
Just like it did before
那就像以前那样去做
问：
I feel I'm getting to too old.
我觉得我变老了很多
巴夏：
OH! How old are you?
哦！你多大了？
问：
I'm 30
30岁了
巴夏：
I beg your pardon?
几岁了？
30
就30？
问：
Yes, but on this planet, that's old.
是啊，但是在地球上，算“剩女”了
巴夏：
No no..........
不...不...不...
Excuses, excuses, excuses
借口...借口...借口...
That are not real.
借口，不是真相
You have a saying on your planet that is very wise.
你们地球上，有句话说得很有智慧：
Yes?
你知道不？
Fear, F E A R
恐惧，Fear
False Evidence Appearing Real
F虚假 E证据 A显示为 R真实
Yes
你明白不？
False evidence appearing real.
虚假的证据，显示为真实（直译）
The fact that your 30
你说，你已经30岁了
The fact that you're on earth.
你说，在地球上，这算老的了
The fact that a lot of people say,
你说，地球人都这么说
Well, that biological clock is ticking.
“岁月不饶人”
You'd best married soon
“你最好尽快结婚”
Or you're going to be a dried up (有谁听出来了)
“要不然变成剩女，你就没人要了”
Is absolute nonsense.
这些都毫无道理（都是屁话）
Now, yes, we understand is a collective consensus reality.
是的，我们也理解，这是一个集体共识投射的实相
There are certain things that you've agreed to with the collective consensus
你也同意了集体意识中的一些设定
That you all abide by
你也遵守部分规则
that are general, very general true for a lot of you
就是那些大众的、通用的设定与规则
That doesn't mean that every single aspect of that has to apply to you individually,
但并不意味着，每一条都要应用到你身上
And if you simply allow yourself to really fully be yourself,
而且只要你允许自己，做完整的、真实的自己
Then whatever it is actually needs to be in your life
那么你生活所需的一切
That is relevant to be in your life
所有与你人生相关的（人事物）
Will be in your life
都会出现在你生命中
Because it cannot be not in your life
因为它们无法不到来
When we talk about again excitement being complete kit that's what we mean
这就是我们说的“兴奋是（让人生）完整的工具”的意思
Everything is relevant will happen.
一切相关的，都会显化（发生）
There is only one exception to this.
如果有例外，那只可能是这种情况：
You've made all your agreements
所有的你们达成的协定
You've made all your appointments
所有的你们设好的约定
If you don't worry about them.
只要你不担心它们
You'll keep them
它们就不会“毁约”（直译：你就会保持它们）
The things that need to happen will happen in perfect timing by the agreement You already made
所有该发生的，都会按照你设定的，在完美时刻发生
In this life and before this life about this life.
这些设定，包括你投胎前的，以及人生过程中的
The only way to miss your agreements is to spend your time and energy
唯一“毁约”的做法，就是花时间、心思、能量
Worrying you will miss the agreements
在那里担心你会“毁约”（原意：错过约定）
That how you miss the timing
你也是这么错过时机的
By spending time and energy worrying you'll miss your timing
就是花时间、心思、能量，担心你会错过时机
That's the only way to miss your time
这是错过你时机的唯一做法
If you don't worry about missing your timing.
如果你不担心你会错过时机
You cannot miss your timing
你就不可能错过
问：
OK! I understand that.
好的，我明白了！
巴夏：
Maybe you do, and maybe you don't, we'll see.
你也许明白了，也许还没明白，我们边走边看
问：
I heard you say that before.
你听以前说过了
Question:
问个问题：
Aren't there multiple infinite reality,
不是存在无限多个多重实相？
So the agree and appointment in whatever
那关于协定与约定
Aren't they different across all the different realities?
是不是不同的实相，有着不同的协定与约定？
巴夏：
Some are very slightly different and some are massively different,
有些是稍微不同，有些则是极其不同
But you still get to choose which one you prefer.
但仍取决于，你选择哪一个是你所喜好的
That's how you fit into the niche and the path that is you by being your full self,
这就是你，如何通过做完整的自己，把自己摆放到人生的康庄大道上
And knowing that whatever has to unfold that is relevant for you
并且很清楚地知道：无论发生什么事，肯定与你有关
As a unique consciousness and a unique perspective
都是你，这个独一无二的意识，独一无二的视角
Will be exactly what you need
经历这段人生所需要的
to get a reflection of the fulfillment that you create in your state of being
从而能使得你内在的圆满的状态，在外在投射出“圆满之境”
问：
So the other version of me, they're not really me, right?
所以另一个版本的我，他们其实不是我，是吗？
NO! They're not.
对！他们不是你
巴夏：
They are other people entirely.
他们完全是另一个人
问：
OK! I wonder about that.
好棒！这个问题，我之前稀里糊涂了很久
巴夏：
Does that answer that question?
现在不糊涂了吧，^_^
问：
I've been working...
对于我的工作
I feel very bad because I work for my father
我感觉很不好，因为我是为我父亲工作的
And I feel like, you know, I didn't get like a independent job.
我并没有找到一份独立的工作
巴夏：
So what?
那又能怎么样呢？
问：
He's been supporting me to create a website, a social media
他一直资助我，帮我创建一个社交媒体网站
巴夏：
Yes? Does that excites you?
好的！这让你兴奋不？
问：
It does really excite me,
这的确令我兴奋
But there's something about it that is just been driving me crazy.
但这份工作的一些事情，把我搞得焦头烂额（快疯了）
巴夏：
Oh!Such as?
哦！比如说？
How exciting.
（看你焦头烂额的样子）真让我兴奋！
What drives you crazy?
什么事情把你搞得快疯了？
问：
Fear fear
恐惧
巴夏：
Fear about what?
恐惧什么呢？
问：
I just feel guilty about succeeding
对于“成功”，我感到愧疚
巴夏：
Fear about what?
恐惧什么呢？
You feel guilty about what?
你对什么感到愧疚呢？
问：
About the possibility of succeeding
对于成功的可能性，感到恐惧与愧疚
巴夏：
What is success
什么是成功？
Being yourself.
做你自己，才是成功！
If at first you don't succeed,
如果一开始你没有成功
Redefine success
那就重新给“成功”下定义吧！
To be that definition that works for you.
适合你的定义，才是对你的成功的定义
No one else will have the same definition of success.
每个人对于成功的定义，都是不一样的
问：
I guess I'm scare of failing, it's one or the other.
我想，我是害怕失败！毕竟，成王败寇嘛！
巴夏：
What is failure
什么是失败
Not being yourself
你不是你自己
That's it.
这就是失败
问：
Do you really have to be yourself a hundred percent of the time before you're successful at being yourself ?
我是不是每时每刻都要做我自己，我才是真正的做自己？
巴夏：
No! No you do not.
不！你不需要！
But here is the paradoxical irony
这话你听起来会觉得，自相矛盾
When you're okay with not being your true self a hundred percent of the time
但如果你对于自己，不是每时每刻都是“做自己”感到OK
You are being your true self a hundred percent of the time
那你就是每时每刻都在“做自己”
Because you know you're going through a process
因为你知道你是在经历这个过程
And it's okay to go through the process
这个经历的过程，你觉得OK（与神对话：过程的完美）
And it's okay to know you're not always at your best
你也知道，自己并没有时刻都做到“最好的自己”
And that's okay.
而这，你也觉得OK
It's when you start keeping judgment and guilt upon yourself
当你不断给自己差评，不断感到愧疚
That you're going in the other direction.
你就转身，向失败走去了
It's not because you're not always doing exactly the thing you would like to do,
成功，不是取决于你是不是每时每刻，都在做你喜欢的事
It's because of your attitude toward that experience
而是你对于每个体验、每个经历的态度
That determines whether you're successful or not.
决定了你是否成功
So if you're all right with sometimes going.
所以，如果有时候一些事情搞砸了，你觉得：
Oh well, you know, I took a left turn here, it's not what I intended,
“哦！我刚才走偏了，这不是我想要的”
But all right, I learn something from it.
“但没事，我学到功课了”
I'm not always one hundred percent of my best,
“我没有100%做到最好的自己”
But that's okay
“但是，OK！”
Because I know that it is my intention to be,
“因为我知道，不是我自己，也是我的目的之一”
And therefore by acknowledging that it's okay to have gone down that path
于是，你认可了自己走下坡的这段经历
Even if it wasn't what I preferred.
“这段下坡路，虽非我所愿”
I know that, overall, I'm okay
“但我知道，总的来说，我很OK”
And I have a self-correcting self guiding system
“我内在的 自我纠错、自我引导系统”
That will always course correct and bring me back to where I prefer to be.
“永远都会把我引导回我所喜好的路上”
That is success,
这才是成功
Not because you achieve a goal,
成功，不是你达到了某个目标
Not because something comes to fruition in the way you thought it would
不是你实现了某个你想要的成果
Success is being okay with yourself at every moment,
成功，是你每时每刻都觉得自己很OK！
Even when you're not okay with yourself
即使你不觉得自己OK
That's okay.
你也知道自己很OK！
If you keep judgment and guilt upon yourself
但如果你不断自我评判、自责
That's what stops you from being a success,
那你是把自己挡在成功大门之外
Because many many people in your reality who you would look at it go：
就像你们见到某些人，忍不住惊叹：
Oh, that's a very, very successful person
“哇！这人这么成功，真是太牛逼了！”
That's their secret
他们成功的秘诀就在于：
Is they don't give up,
他们不放弃
They don't get down on themselves
他们不消沉
For suddenly maybe being out of alignment with who they prefer to be.
即使有时与“理想的自己”偏离了
They learn from it.
他们从中学习
They get back into alignment and say
重新调整自己，对自己说：
Okay.
“太棒了！”
Lesson learned.
“又学到了一课！”
Let's move on
“继续前进”
That's success,
这才是真正的成功！
Because the process of your entire life.
因为，你们人生的整个过程
The process is the point.
这个过程，才是你人生的目的
The journey is the destination
你的人生旅途，就是你的目的地！
You're not trying to get anywhere
你不是想去某个地方
All you're doing is attempting to be more of yourself to the best of your ability
你做的一切，都为了发挥自己最大能力，成为更宏伟的自己
And if you're doing your best, that's all you need to do,
如果你已经尽力了，那说明你已经做了你该做的了
And that's a success
那你就是成功的
Does this help you
这对你有帮助吗？
Do you feel a little bit more relaxed about yourself.
你是不是觉得，自己稍微放轻松了点？
问：
I do, I do
没错！是的！
巴夏：
Then that is the measure of success
这就是衡量成功与否的标准
问：
Thank you, Bashar!
谢谢你，巴夏！
巴夏：
You are welcome
