这是转载我个人博客大马人文少爷系列:boonthemalaysian.wordpress.com的文章，这将是一个关于我一个现实年轻人推动自我，自我挑战的系列。会有一系列的自我挑战。请各位客观看好了，我们且行且珍惜。

I would like to apologize as this post will be rather emotional , however I do see it as a part of personal development.

Today,I chatted in a whatsapp group  form by 4 friends whom I met in Australian Matriculation during 2015. We eventually discussed about the courses which one of my friend's brother should take and then without thinking much I eventually said something below:

It is a seriously a shock reminder from her as I suddenly realize I am doing exactly what she said.I am over-caring the incident of dropping out. Even till now , it is still a nightmare to me to end the course in Fudan but I have no choice but doing so. The memories and experience did leave a very bad strike on my mind.

I knew that it is annoying but it is still horrible even the decision was made for like almost a month. From the rational side , I agreed what she said:I am being too negative and too self-pity which is completely unnecessary(even though I really can't help doing so ,on the emotional side.) During the past one month , I have been seriously depressed and fighting with my emotional thought trying to buck up and start again. But then even how hard I tried I could still feel the sadness and disappointment.

So，what is the approach to mend this sadness (or annoyance ?),right now?

I am doing nil of research, what I am trying is what I think it could help.By stop thinking about the incident and talking about the incident.

I clearly knew that the ultimate reason leading to these sadness , is the self-pride and the self-demand . During  past two years , especially the days I entered my previous university,I have a high expectation to myself. So, to cure these disappointment , I would just try to not aiming too high and persuade myself that " It is okay to not be the best , it is okay to not be capable and it is okay to not be the cream of what you are doing ."

Really felt that ,on this moment or this stage of emotion , I really have to be a little kinder to myself and to cherish what I have gotten while relaxing myself.Be more tolerate to myself to accept that I am not that brilliant and be confident on everything even the things aren't going that well such as my poor English written in this blog XD and chaos of logic of this post. :)

Yes,it was excruciating and it almost kill me ,but even though ,the choices have been made and what should be done now is moving forward , isn't it? Just like the wise ones said:"What doesn't kill you , make you stronger!"

Before I end , I would still want to wish a happy birthday to one of my friends in the group for his 20th birthday XP.

Boon the Malaysian

15/1/2017