All This I Did Without You 未与你共度的一切
July 31st, 1978 1978年7月31日
My darling McGeorge, 我亲爱的(ღ˘⌣˘ღ)
You said that things seemed clearer when they were written down.
当着这些话被写下来的时候，你说事情变得更清晰了。
Well, here with a very boring letter in which I will try and put everything down so that you may read and reread at horror at your folly in getting involved with me.
没错，这是一封没意思的信，我会尽力把所有的东西放下，这样你就可以读并且在重读的时候发现你在参与我的愚蠢行为。
Deep breath.
深呼吸。
To begin with I love you with a depth and passion that I have felt for no one else in this life and if it astonishes you it astonishes me as well.
最初，我深恋着你，我觉得在我生命中再无另一个人，如果这使你惊讶了，其实这也同样使我惊讶。
Not, I hasten to say, because you are not worth loving.
不(;｀O´)o，我急忙说，因为你是不值得爱的。
Far from it.
远非如此
It's just that, first of all, I swore I would not get involved with another woman.
其实首先，我发誓我不会涉足例外一个女人。
Secondly, I have never had such a feeling before and it is almost frightening.
第二，我几乎很害怕，在这之前我从未有过如此的感觉。
Thirdly, I would never have thought it possible that another human being could occupy my waking (and sleeping) thoughts to the exclusion of almost everything else.
第三，我也从未想过另一个女人几乎除了每件其他事情占据我的大脑。
Fourthly, I never thought that – even if one was in love – one could get so completely be sotted with another person, so that a minute away from them felt like a thousand years.
第四，我从未想过，即使一个在爱情中的人- 一个人也可以被另一个人宠溺，以至于离开一分钟会让人觉得像是一千年。
Fifthly, I never hoped, aspired, dreamed that one could find everything one wanted in one person.
第五，我从未希望或梦想着某一天能够在某一个人身上找到一个人的一切。
I was not such an idiot as to believe this was possible.
我不是一个相信这种可能的所谓的傻瓜。
Yet in you I have found everything I want: you are beautiful, gay, giving, gentle, idiotically and deliciously feminine, sexy, wonderfully intelligent and wonderfully silly as well.
但是在你身上我找到了我想要的一切:你的美丽，大方，温雅，可爱和美好的女性气质，性感，聪慧和小孩子气等等。
I want nothing else in this life than to be with you, to listen and watch you(your beautiful voice, your beauty), to argue with you, to laugh with you, to show you things and share things with you, to explore your magnificent mind, to explore your wonderful body, to help you, protect you, serve you, and bash you on the head when I think you are wrong …
相比于和你在一起我不想要在我生命中的其他事情，去聆听你，注视你，与你争论亦与你欢笑，给你或带你看一些东西，与你分享一些事情，去发现你的美好，去帮助保护你，当我觉得你错了的时候在脑子里严厉的批评你。
Not to put too fine a point on it I consider that I am the only man outside my thology to have found the crock of gold at the rainbow's end.
坦率说，我认为我是神话中仅有的在彩虹尽头找到了金罐头的男人。
But – having said all that – let us consider things in detail.
但是，说了这么多，还是让我们从细考虑事情吧。
Don't let this become public but … well, I have one or two faults.
不得不公开的是，我有一两个错误。
Minor ones, I hasten to say.
小事情，我急忙说。
For example, I am inclined to be overbearing.
举个例子，我总是难以控制。
I do it for the best possible motives (all tyrants say that) but I do tend (without thinking) to tread people underfoot.
我做事的动机是好的（所有暴君都这样说），但是我做事往往（没有考虑）伤害了你。
You must tell me when I am doing it to you, my sweet, because it can be a very bad thing in a marriage.
当我对你做了这种事的时候你一定得告诉我，亲爱的，因为这在婚姻里不是件好事情。
Right. Second blemish.
没错，这是瑕疵。
This, actually, is not so much a blemish of character as a blemish of circumstance.
实际上，当一个缺点经常犯的时候这不是缺点的特征。
Darling I want you to be you in your own right and I will do everything I can help you in this.
亲爱的我想要成为在你的正确的人。还有，在这一生中我将为你做我可以为你做的任何事情。
But you must take into consideration that I am also me in my own right and that I have a head start on you …
但是你一定要考虑到，我也有我自己的权利,而且我对你有一个新的开端。
What I am trying to say is that you must not feel offended if you are sometimes treated simply as my wife.
作为我的妻子如果有时你被简单对待时，我要说你没必要觉得不舒服
Always remember that what you lose on the swings you gain on the round abouts.
永远记住你在回合中获得的波动中所失去的东西。
But I am an established 'creature' in the world, and so – on occasions – you will have to live in my shadow.
但是我是世界上一个已经被确定的＂生物＂，因此，在某些情况下你将不得不生活在我的阴影之下。
Nothing gives me less pleasure than this but it is a fact of life that has to be faced.
没有比这让我更高兴的了，但这是一个必须要面对的事实。
Third (and very important and nasty) blemish: jealousy.
第三个瑕疵:嫉妒（非常重要又最令人讨厌）
I don't think you know what jealousy is (thank God) in the real sense of the word.
我认为你不知道嫉妒这个词的真正意义。（感谢上帝）
I know that you have felt jealousy over Lincoln's wife and child, but this is what I call normal jealousy, and this – to my regret – is not what I've got.
我知道你看到林肯的妻子和孩子会感到嫉妒，但这就是我说的普通的嫉妒，而且这也是我所悔恨的—我没能得到的东西。
What I have got is a black monster that can pervert my good sense, my goodhumour and any goodness that I have in my make- up.
我所得到的是一个在我的修饰下的会隔离我的美好感觉, 我的幽默和任何的优点的黑色的怪物。
It is really a Jekyll and Hyde situation … my Hyde is stronger than my goodsense and defeats me, hard though I try.
这的确是一个善恶双重人格。我的恶比我的优点更强大而且它打败了我，我很难努力去思考。
As I told you, I have always known that this lurks within me, but I could control it, and my monster slumbered and nothing happened to awake it.
当我告诉你，我一直知道它潜伏在我身边，但是我控制不了它，而且我的怪物睡着了，没有什么事能叫醒它。
Then I met you and I felt my monster stir and become half awake when you told me of Lincoln and others you have known, and with your letter my monster came out of its lair, black, irrational, bigoted, stupid, evil, malevolent.
然后我遇到了你，当你告诉我林肯和其他你已经知道的人，我感到我的怪物微微动了开始半醒了，通过你的信从它的巢穴出来，黑色的，非理性的，顽固的，愚蠢的，邪恶凶狠的。
You will never know how terribly corrosive jealousy is; it is a physical pain as though you had swallowed acid or red hot coals.
你将从不会知道有害的嫉妒是多么的糟糕：它像是一种你已经吞下酸或炽热的煤的对身体上的伤害。
It is the most terrible of feelings.
这是最坏的感受。
But you can't help it – at least I can't, and God knows I've tried.
但是你不能忍受它－至少我不能，上帝也知道我已经尝试过。
I don't want any ex-boyfriends sitting in church when I marry you.
在我娶你的时候我不想你任何的前男友坐在席位上。
On our wedding day I want nothing but happiness, both for you and me, and I know I won't be happy if there is a church full of your ex-conquests.
在我们结婚的那天我不想要除了你和我的幸福之外的任何东西。而且我知道，如果在坐的满满的都是你的前男友的话，我会不开心。
When I marry you I will have no past, only a future: I don't want to drag my past into our future and I don't want you to do it, either.
当我娶你的时候，我打算不思考过去，只有未来：我不想要把我的过去牵扯进将来，而且我也不想这样做。
Remember I am jealous of you because I love you.
记住我为你嫉妒因为我爱你。
You are never jealous of something you don't care about.
你从不会嫉妒一些你不关心的事情。
O. K. enough about jealousy.
好了，这些就是有关嫉妒的。
Now let me tell you something.
现在让我给你讲些事。
I have seen a thousand sunsets and sunrises, on land where it floods forestand mountains with honey coloured light, at sea where it rises and sets like ablood orange in a multicoloured nest of cloud, slipping in and out of the vast ocean.
我见过一千次日出日落，在一片泛着蜜黄色光芒的山峦上，在海中，它像一个橙子🍊一样在一个五彩缤纷的云巢里又升又落，在浩瀚的海洋中穿梭。
I have seen a thousand moons: harvest moons like gold coins, winter moons as white as ice chips, new moons like baby swans' feathers.
我见过一千次月落：秋天的月就像金色的硬币，冬天的月像白色的冰块，新月就像孩童那天鹅般的羽毛。
I have seen seas as smooth as if painted, coloured like shot silk or blue as a kingfisher or transparent as glass or black and crumpled with foam, moving ponderously and murderously.
我见过如画般顺畅的大海，彩色的像是变色的绸缎，蓝色的像翠鸟，或如玻璃般透明，或被泡沫弄皱变黑，笨重而又凶恶的移动着。
I have felt winds straight from the South Pole, bleak and wailing like a lost child; winds as tender and warm as a lover's breath; winds that carried the astringent smell of salt and the death of seaweeds; winds that carried the moist rich smell of a forest floor, the smell of a million flowers.
我感觉过风径直从南极,像一个迷失的孩子凄冷的哀嚎；像投标般温暖如一个爱人的呼吸；它带着盐涩味和海藻的死亡；带着充满潮湿的森林地表的气味，这是无数鲜花的气味。
Fierce winds that churned and moved the sea like yeast, or winds that made the waters lap at the shore like a kitten.
猛烈的风酵母般翻搅推动着海洋，又或撩着水像只猫咪靠了岸。
I have known silence: the cold, earthy silence at the bottom of a newly dug well; the implacable stony silence of a deep cave; the hot, drugged midday silence when everything is hypnotised and stilled into silence by the eye of the sun; the silence when great music ends.
我了解过寂静：在新挖井底部的寒冷的、泥土般的寂静；一个深穴里顽石般的寂静；当一切被太阳的眼睛遮住并催眠，那炎热的、被麻醉的中午的寂静；当伟大的音乐结束时的寂静。
I have heard summer cicadas cry so that the sound seems stitched into your bones.
我听过夏天蝉鸣，这个声音像缝在你的骨头里。
I have heard tree frogs in an orchestration as complicated as Bach singing in a forest lit by a million emerald fireflies.
我听过一个编曲中的树蛙，与在一个被一百万只翡翠萤火虫照亮的森林里唱歌的巴赫一样复杂。
I have heard the Keas calling over grey glaciers that groaned to themselves like old people as they inched their way to the sea.
我听过食肉鹦鹉向灰色的冰川的呼叫，当它们慢慢朝向海洋时，他们抱怨自己像老人一样。
I have heard the hoarse street vendor cries of the mating Fur seals as they sang to their sleek golden wives, the crisp staccato admonishment of the Rattlesnake, the cobweb squeak of the Bat and the belling roar of the Red deer knee-deep in purple heather.
🐽我听过嘶哑的街头小贩对交配的海豹叫喊声，一边唱着他们圆滑的金色妻子，一边嘎吱嘎吱嘎嘎地敲着响尾蛇，蝙蝠的蛛网吱吱声，还有紫罗兰石楠的深红色的铃声吼叫。
I have heard Wolves baying at a winter's moon, Red howlers making the forest vibrate with their roaring cries.
我在一个冬天的月下听到过狼的嚎叫，红色吼叫者的咆哮声让森林都震颤。
I have heard the squeak, purr and grunt of a hundred multicoloured reef fishes.
我听到过吱吱的叫声，是一百种多色礁鱼的咕噜声。
I have seen hummingbirds flashing like opals round a tree of scarlet blooms, humming like a top.
我见到过忙碌的小鸟，陀螺般的叽叽喳喳着，就像蛋白石环绕着一棵鲜红且繁茂的树，
I have seen flying fish, skittering like quick silver across the blue waves,drawing silver lines on the surface with their tails.
我见到过飞翔着的鱼🐟，飞溅着就像水银穿过了蓝色的洞，用他们的尾巴在水面画着银线。
I have seen Spoonbills flying home to roost like a scarlet banner across the sky.
我见到过琵鹭飞回家去了，像红色的旗帜越过天空。
I have seen Whales, black as tar, cushioned on a corn flower blue sea, creating a Versailles of fountain with their breath.
我见到过鲸鱼🐳，黑如柏油，在一朵矢车菊般蓝色的海床上缓缓漂浮。I have watched butterflies emerge and sit, trembling, while the sun irons their wings smooth.
我曾坐着，看到蝴蝶出现，它们颤动着，而太阳则熨平它们那光滑的翅膀。
I have watched Tigers, like flames, mating in the long grass.
我看到过老虎们🐯，像火焰般在深草里交配。
I have been dive bombed by an angry Raven, black and glossy as the Devil'shoof.
我被一只凶怒的渡鸦俯冲轰炸过，黑且有光泽的像魔鬼的靴子。
I have lain in water warm as milk, soft as silk, while around me played a host of Dolphins.
我曾躺在水中，像牛奶般温暖，如丝一样的软，而许多的海豚🐬则在我旁边嬉戏。
I have met a thousand animals and seen a thousand wonderful things …
我遇到过一千种动物，也看到了一千种美好的事物。
All this I did without you.
全部的这些都未曾与你度过。
This was my loss.
这是我的损失。
All this I want to do with you.
这些我全都想和你去做。
This will be my gain.
这将是我所得到的。
All this I would gladly have
（简. 翻译）
