在公司你好心提出建议，
却不知为什么领导会秋后算账。
在生活里你好心指出朋友的缺点，
却不知为什么他从此就不再理你。
在恋爱中你好心向对方吐露过往，
却不知为什么他可能会离你而去。
为什么在交往中会有那么多的陷阱？
为什么好心的谈话会带来那么多的伤害？
为什么谈话中的凶险无处不在？
What do you do when you don't feel like it's safe to share what'son your mind?
当你觉得谈话不安全的时候你会怎么做。
你愿意坦露心扉吗？
你愿意在交往中坦诚吗？
如果遇见这种情况你会怎么做？
你能够识别什么时候谈话是安全的？
为什么确定安全型的问题那么重要？
Once you've spotted safety problems,
you can talk about the most challenging of topics by stepping out of the content and building enough safety that
almost anything becomes discussable
Say a friend said some things to you that most people might get upset over.
In order for this person to be able to deliver the delicate message,
you must have believed he or she cared about you,
or about your goals andobjectives.
That means you trusted his or her purposes so you were willing to listen to some pretty tough feedback.
为什么交谈中内容不是最重要的？
Crucial conversations often go awry not because of the content of the conversation,
but because others believe that the painful and pointed content means that you have a malicious intent.
How can they feel safe when they believe you're out to do them harm?
Soon, every word out of your mouth is suspect.
awry [ə'raɪ]adj.错误的；扭曲的
go awry
if something goes awry, it does not happen in the way that was planned
出岔子，出错
My carefully laid plans had already gone awry.
我精心制订的计划已经出了岔子。
The technology we depend on is going awry.
Our civilization is going up in flames.
我们赖以为生的科技正走向歧途，我们的文明正面临着威胁。
The key is to step out of the content of the conversation.
Don't stay stuck in what's being said.
The first condition of safety is Mutual Purpose.
为什么目标一致那么重要？
Mutual Purpose means that others perceive that we are working toward a common outcome in the conversation,
that we care about their goals, interests, and values.
And vice versa.
We believe they care about ours.
Consequently, Mutual Purpose is the entry condition of dialogue.
Find a shared goal and you have both a good reason and a healthy climate for talking.
The second condition of safety is Mutual Respect.
为什么相互尊重那么重要？
While it's true that there's no reason to enter a crucial conversation if you don't have Mutual Purpose,
it's equally true that you can't stay in the conversation if you don't maintain MutualRespect.
Mutual Respect is the continuance condition of dialogue.
As people perceive that others don't respect them,
the conversation immediately becomes unsafe and dialogue comes to a screeching halt.
Why? Because respect is like air.
If you take it away, it's all people can think about.
The instant people perceive disrespect in a conversation,
the interaction is no longer about the original purpose-it is now about defending dignity.
