今天才是真正结束。
Unconsciousness and subconscious区别：无意识和潜意思，无意识是沉浸在心智深处，它的作用比潜意识和意识都更重要但我们察觉不到；而潜意识会作用在我们的梦境里，或者某种心灵感应，第六感等等，位于意识和无意识之间是个桥梁。
So much to remember！
晚上8点后拿到手机我直接去了办公室充电，开始看有啥紧急事。处理完，出来加入聊天的女人们：
一个俄罗斯女孩英语并不好，重复几遍我才听明白她之前在尼泊尔上了一个课程叫Mystic growth，说是一起大笑，大哭，抒发情感，这个我上过纽约类似课程，基本是笑为主，符合美国精神。
一个我一直要认识来自慕尼黑白衣女子，当她听说西班牙女人马上要去印度上35天课程说“我非杀了我自己不可！”我大笑，性情中人非常强势德国精英女士，她曾经12年前就来过缅甸去了所有地方，很推荐良乌，之后和女儿也来过，这次第三次；提到内观前几天她几乎受不了了，要走，虽然之前也做过，但因为人生经历了不同的境况现在变得更艰难；以我历来的倾向我都会试图和她认识示好保持联系，因为有一定相似点，但何苦结实另一个和我一样受苦的灵魂呢？I will kill myself,Munich lady is saying to the Barcelona woman when knowing she is taking 35 days, she has been in Myanmar 12 years ago and all over, highly recommend Maruak U, she is looking tense and typical my type of woman which I try to say hi to her to start with; then why making another suffering friend as I am.
今天凌晨2.26起来瑜伽，脑海中一直泛滥着“dhamma太赞了”，昨天下午看录像时托钵僧沿着艰难的沙漠赤足鱼贯而走的时候情不自禁落泪，内观结束可以表达感情时发现非常容易大笑，没心没肺开心和动容流泪，情绪突然真实表达出来：为啥我对僧侣的受苦如此动容和感同身受，也许前世有过类似经历；还记得在Octave组织一次冥想中当僧侣奏鸣响起，一首歌“我是佛前一朵莲”想起涕泪交流的时候，之后反复听这首歌很长时间，没有出家的动力但并不是没有闪过脑海。每次想到出家做完内观就放弃了，太辛苦了，这只是一小滴出家人生活，我已经感恩可以回到世俗中去。Dhamma is so wonderful this word all around me this morning 2.26am starting yoga;when yesterday afternoon watching video when Sidhdart and monks walking bare foot holding their bowl I was tearing;I wonder why I feel so connected to this type of life and suffering and monks,maybe I was doing the same in my previous life,just so hitting the heart,like last time in Octave festival when bell ringing with the song我是佛前一朵莲I was tearing so heartedly;listening to the song for months feel so attached,but I am not even closer to life like renunciation and actually Vipa is suffering for me which is a tip of taste of water of monk life,
巴塞罗那女人听我说必须要独立房间就推荐英国和巴黎附近的中心，但欧洲都是爆满，要提前很久定，看来欧洲痛苦需要解脱的灵魂非常多，供不应求。我问她15次内观后提高，她只说“人安静了很多！即使这么多次，每次都不容易！”我一听，这没啥提高啊！Barcelona woman said London and one closer to Paris matched my single room condition,she is talking about the benefit: more quite after 15 times of Vipa I told German lady: it is not getting easier,even not a lot of improvement which u can tell.
第10天基本还是老行程，只有晚上冥想短一些；结束discourse我急急忙忙去取手机，同时问自己为啥着急，应该享受当下啊，还是边充电边查看工作，没我挺好的，一切正常，我试图让自己发挥点作用，不大。So 10th day the schedule fo group sitting is all the same,evening discourse is a bit shorter,then we go to pick up phone I was rushing out,but telling myself why so,in the moment;then I was charing the phone in the office,obviously I was not that needed,not much things need my attention,I try to make myself useful with colleagues and very few;back room at 9.20pm
俄罗斯女孩用磕磕巴巴英语和我讲诉她“只活在当下”生活，曾经纽约呆过一阵不喜欢那里的能量，她亚洲到处游荡，在尼泊尔接受一个课程时发现“自己无法从腹部开始笑，都只是喉咙笑”，就是不是真心的笑！她问我接下来做啥，我说“传播爱，和平和慈悲给全世界！”她笑得浑身乱颤，不只腹部，背部都抖动；我说“我治好你的问题啦！”自己也笑得一塌糊涂，vipa之后哭和笑都很抽风！Another Russian girl talking bad English tries to explain to me her moment to moment life in Asia and New York which she did not like the energy in NYC. She can not laugh from belly then I told her my next is to give love,peace and compassion to the world,she laughed from all over the body,I was serious then also laughed hard,seems after vipa both tearing and laughing is easy!!!
最后一节6-7点冥想我感觉最好，free flow和空腹的轻盈感，很开心我们没有提前给手机，否者分心。Last session of 6-7pm sitting is actually the best I feel sensation,free flow and empty belly holiness. Great,so good they did not give us phone earlier which I was not that pleased.
今天早晨没有设闹钟但还是2点起来，就瑜伽吧，vipa让我10天没有cafe但休息足够就醒来，我提前去了食堂4.10充电，结果早晨最后一次discourse关于开示和之后如何每天练习的，第一次我因为定了太早航班错过一部分，结果这次过瘾了，因为一直断电，G的唱颂我们听了5遍；头天下午关于乌巴庆百年诞辰录像我了解到乌巴庆是非常高校政府官员，坚信佛陀去世2500年后dhamma会重新兴旺；确定葛英卡是对的人，让他回印度传播从他1951年开始内观到现在全球300多家内观中心不过时68年；葛英卡是个非常出色的生意人，英雄和导师，我的偶像，但对于佛陀serve留下最强的印记；以后每天有时间哪怕5分钟都要做内观，做一个更好的有效的人！This morning did not set up clock earlier but wake up at 2am,this is vipa,no cafe but enough rest;then I was in dinning place at 4.10am to charge the phone,old man came,then during the discourse at least 5 times break of electricity and chanting again and again;I learned about乌巴庆efficient office life and commttimment on Dhamma,yesterday it is video on his 100 years anniversary it is toughing but also he is so confident that 2500 years later it is time Dhamma is going to expand without anything stopping it and he knows Goenka should go back to India just like that from his parents,from his first 1951 coming to now 300 over centers,he is a good business man and hero and role model for me;but I was most touched by Buddha to serve; back to morning, also G waking and sleeping 5 minutes, anytime in the day vipa, being a much better person with higher efficiency.
一结束我去早餐几乎很开心看到没有自己能吃的东西（当地面条早餐）就拿了水果开心的回到房间，坐在走廊里看着繁茂的树木吃完早餐，打扫房间迫不及待离开，一期学员竟然有比我还积极离开的，我第一次也是一分钟都无法忍耐，琢磨一下还是背着包而不是留下来寄存，即使如此还买了两本书很沉的背着，本来朝着噪音（chanting）寺庙走过去想探个究竟，结果一个学员和她老公开着车，问我去哪，很热心把我带到市区；路上我知道女同学和两个孩子都参加vipa但是老公不参加，够聪明，让家人变得更好，自己日子也幸福！Then brining a bit fruit back room,quick cleaning and run out of center,bought two books,one is heavy on buddha teaching,was trying to explore the chanting resource but offered by a local lady and her husband to bring me to junction city: he does not do vipa but his two children and wife do.
我离开中心7点，7.30就到了市区，看到香格里拉酒店和mall，结果mall 9点才开门，我就沿着街区跟刚从牢里出来放飞的小鸟一样，啥都新鲜，喝了当地咖啡500k，吃了当地酸奶，买了单条卖的益生菌，都是澳洲产品，鱼油也是一粒粒卖；现在我在一个英国殖民地风格tea house喝着拿铁，我的以往生活开始恢复：接着贪嗔痴都会开始诱惑我，很容易就会落网。我现在很感恩自己已有的一切，确实够了，之前从来没有如此感受过，可以每天开始感恩自己足够多的人生。I left at 7am,in the center at 7.30 being told market mall opening at 9am,with my big bag walking on the street is fun,getting local breakfast for cafe 500,sweet,yoghurt 850,pharmacy 900 probiotics per sachet,Sule,now this beautiful teahouse British style and my typical life back,remember craving,aversion,ego so easily kick in!!! gratitue and enough,I am having enough,why I did not feel so before,giving without return and gratitude on whatever others giving me. It is good practice from now on.
又开始做计划：去河边，14年前住过的strand hotel，mall，坐火车体验，太开心了，vipa结束继续生活！Plan: river,strand hotel,junction city and train,spa,that is the day,I am so happy vipa over and come back to ife.
