Vincent van Gogh - Lust for Life
I have a more or less irresistible passion for books, and I have a need continually to educate myself, to study, if you like, precisely as I need to eat my bread. When I was in different surroundings, in surroundings of paintings and works of art, you well know that I then took a violent passion for those surroundings that went as far as enthusiasm. And I don’t repent it. And now, far from the country again, I often feel homesick for the country of paintings.
Now I no longer have those surroundings—however, that something that’s called soul, they claim that it never dies and that it lives for ever and seeks for ever and for ever and for evermore.
It’s true that I’ve lost several people’s trust; it’s true that my financial affairs are in a sorry state; it’s true that the future’s not a little dark; it’s true that I could have done better; it’s true that just in terms of earning my living I’ve lost time… and that I lack more, infinitely more than I have. But is that called going downhill, and is that called doing nothing? But on the road that I’m on I must continue…
One of the reasons why I’m now without a position, why I’ve been without a position for years, it’s quite simply because I have different ideas from these gentlemen who give positions to individuals who think like them. It’s not a simple matter of appearance, as people have hypocritically held it against me, it’s something more serious than that, I assure you.
Someone has a great fire in his soul and nobody ever comes to warm themselves at it, and passers-by see nothing but a little smoke at the top of the chimney and then go on their way. So now what are we to do? Keep this fire alive inside, have salt in ourselves, wait patiently. But with how much impatience, await the hour? I say, when whoever wants to, will come and sit down there, will stay there. For all I know? May whoever believes in God await the hour, which will come sooner or later.
文森特·梵高:渴望生活
我对书,谈得上是非常喜爱。我一直觉得我应该不断充实自己,不断学习,这种需求就如我需要吃面包一样,不可或缺。你知道,我之前所在的那种环境,周围都是画作和艺术品,我疯狂地喜爱着它们,这喜爱甚至变成了迷恋。我一点儿都不后悔。如今,我又身处异乡,我常常想念那个绘画的的国度。
现在,我已经没有了那样的环境——但那个被世人称为灵魂的东西,是永不消亡,永远留存的。它会不断地追寻,永不停歇。
没错,我是失去了一些人的信任;没错,我的经济状况很糟糕;没错,未来看起来非常渺茫;没错,我本来可以过得更好;没错,为了谋生,我浪费了很多创作的时间……没错,我失去的远远比我拥有的多得多。但是,这难道就能叫走下坡路?这难道就是无所事事?但是不管怎样,我还是要继续走自己的路……
我为什么没有地位,为什么那么多年来我都默默无闻,其实原因很简单,因为我跟那些给别人地位的先生们(主流画家们),意见相左。那些获得地位的人,往往跟这些先生们是一路人。虽然人们假惺惺地说,他们讨厌我仅仅是因为我的外表,但我向你保证,这背后有着更深刻的原因。
有些人内心当中藏着一把火,但从来没有人过来取暖,路人只能看到烟囱里冒出的一缕轻烟,都不予理会,继续赶路。我们应该怎样守护内心的这把火呢?在内心当中保持这把火的生命力,不忘初心,耐心等待。但等待那一刻的过程中,天知道到底会有多焦急?我只想说,最终总会有人想要靠近,坐下,取暖。但愿所有信奉上帝的人都能继续等待,那一刻迟早要到来。